


Fly Away From Me

by princemito



Series: Seattle AU [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Childbirth, Established AsaNoya, Family Drama, Fire, Funeral, Gen, Noya's Dad Dies, Seattle AU, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Noya, Transphobia, and they interact some, but i think it counts enough, but it is there, the asanoya is mostly background, this just isnt a shippy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princemito/pseuds/princemito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Everybody knows it sucks to grow up, and everybody does.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Yuu is woken up by a phone call from his sister that he hasn't talked to in four years, only to find out that his transphobic father is dying and the whole family wants him home. He has no choice but to leave Seattle and head to Atlanta to relive his past in order to move on with his future, reconnect with his sister, and let his father pass peacefully--or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic means so, so much to me. Trans Noya means so, SO much to me, too. This has been a little bit heart-breaking to write, but it's also felt so good. My heart goes out to any young trans person who has been turned away by their family, and I sincerely hope that they find a new and loving family like Noya has found in Asahi and the Tanakas. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

It was supposed to be a sleep-in day. The night before had been long, and Yuu deserved to sleep in. Class wasn’t until that afternoon, and he didn’t have any early plans. That was why he let himself stay up so late painting. But why was his phone going off? It couldn’t be his alarm…

The device vibrated mercilessly on his bedside table; he wasn’t sure how long it had been at it. He reached over just as it stopped. When he picked it up, he saw the missed call and the time—7:23—but before he could even begin to recognize the number, the phone began ringing again.

He answered it with a groggy, “Hello?”

“Yuu?” the voice on the other end asked.

“Emily?” That’s why the number had looked familiar; it was his sister’s.

“Oh, Yuu! Thank god you answered!”

“It’s, like, seven in the morning. I was sleeping.” He sat up in bed and wiped his eyes.

There was a pause. “Seven? Yuu, where are you?” She sounded concerned.

Her concern only made him angry. What right did she have to be concerned? It’s not like she ever asked where he was or what he was doing with his life, not once in the last four years. “Seattle,” he answered through thinly-pressed lips.

“Oh,” Emily replied, surprised. “I thought you were in New Orleans?”

“Not since June,” he said. “What do you want?”

“It’s Dad,” she said, then paused.

Oh, boy… Yuu ran a hand down his face with a sigh. “What about him?”

“He’s dying.”

He would be lying if he said it was unexpected. He knew he would get this call one day, and had spent a lot of time considering how he would react to it. With a slow blink, he licked his lips and considered it further.

“Yuu?” Emily’s voice was hesitant.

“Yeah,” he said. “I heard you.” He paused for a moment before asking, “So what?”

That wasn’t the answer Emily was looking for. “’So what’?” she shot back at him. “So he’s your father, Yuu!”

He hadn’t been Yuu’s father for over four years, and the idea made him laugh. 

“He’s been asking for you.”

Yuu’s laughter was cut off and he frowned down at his sheets. “I doubt it,” he said.

“He’s been asking where you are for the last week, why you’re not here.”

“Who exactly has he been asking for?” Yuu demanded, though he had a good feeling about the answer.

Emily hesitated, knowing that Yuu wouldn’t like the answer. With a sigh, she finally said, “He’s asking for Julia.”

He had been expecting it, but it didn’t soften the blow; his chest hurt and he could feel something prickling in his eyes. “He’s asking for someone that doesn’t exist anymore,” he said. His fingers curled into the fabric of his sheets.

“I’m sorry,” Emily said. “I’m sorry that things aren’t better. But, Yuu… He’s _dying._ ” Her emphasis should have been enough, but Yuu didn’t say anything. He couldn’t bring himself to care. Finally, Emily said in a painfully quiet voice, “Please come home.”

He rubbed at his eyes for a moment, still crusted with sleep but now slightly damp. His hands only made them more irritated and he palmed at them furiously with his free hand. 

“Yuu, please,” she said again.

“No,” he said.

“Yuu—”

“Even if I wanted, which I _don’t_ , I can’t exactly afford to fly across the country right now.”

“I’m sure Mom would buy your plane ticket,” Emily offered.

“Why would she?” he demanded. “Last I recall, she wanted nothing to do with me! Neither of them did!”

“It’s different now!” Emily insisted. “They both want you home. I want you home, and I’d go out there and get you if I could.”

“Then why don’t you come out here and try?” he asked. “But don’t bother, I won’t—”

Emily cut him off and said, “I can’t come get you myself because I’m nine months pregnant.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

There was a pause. That changed everything. Yuu fiddled with the hem of his sheet and finally threw it off, kicking his feet out of bed. “I, uh… Wow. Congrats, Emi.” He chewed on his lip. “I’m gonna be an uncle?”

“Maybe.” The word was a threat and Yuu tensed. “If you don’t come home and at least try to make amends with Dad, then…” She hesitated, as if she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go through with her words. “Then I don’t want you in my life at all anymore.”

That definitely changed everything. He looked down at his unbound chest and heaved a sigh. “Fine,” he said. “But, like I said, I can’t afford this.”

Emily seemed to understand and Yuu could hear the slight muffle on her end as she nodded. “I’ll talk to Mom. We’ll work something out.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment more. “Emi,” Yuu said, mulling over his next words and pushing them through his lips. “You call me Yuu, right? When you’re talking to them?”

“Always,” she assured.

“And do they?” Another question that he knew the answer to.

There was a definite hesitation, and that was all Yuu needed to know. 

“It’s okay,” he said. “I didn’t expect them to.”

“I can’t wait until you’re here,” Emily said. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Then why didn’t you ever call?”

She didn’t say anything.

“I get it,” Yuu said. There wasn’t anything else he wanted to say, so he just said, “Get the plane ticket figured out and call me.”

“Sure,” she said. “I love you, Yuu.”

Even though his sister hadn’t really been there for him, she hadn’t pushed him away like their parents did, and he knew that her words were sincere. He wasn’t quite ready to forgive her, though, even if she was pregnant. “I’ll talk to you soon,” he said, and hung up.

He stared at his phone for a moment as the screen went black, then nearly dropped it when there was a knock on his door.

“Yuu?” It was Ryuu.

“Yeah, what’s up?” He hopped out of bed and threw a t-shirt on.

His best friend and housemate cracked the door open and peeked inside. “Just heard your voice and was surprised you were up already.”

Yuu waved his phone and gave Ryuu a wry smile. “My sister called.”

Ryuu opened the door the rest of the way and stepped inside, his brow furrowed. “Your sister?” he asked.

Yuu nodded and sat back down on the edge of his bed. “Yeah,” he replied. Ryuu joined him. “She’s pregnant. Like apparently really pregnant.”

“That’s awesome!” Ryuu replied, slapping Yuu on the back. “That _is_ awesome, right?” Concern filled his eyes as they searched his friend’s profile.

Yuu just shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose.” He chewed his lip and looked back down at his phone’s black screen.

“What else is up?” Ryuu always knew when something else was up. It was one of his quirks that Yuu loved but also hated. Sometimes a whole lot. Like right then.

Yuu heaved a large sigh and leaned his head onto Ryuu’s shoulder, knowing full well that he wasn’t going to be able to hide it from him anyway. “My dad’s dying.” He didn’t realize that there were tears on his face until he reached up to wipe his tired eyes and his fingers were wet. He stared at them for a moment and accepted Ryuu’s arm around his shoulder. 

Ryuu was uncharacteristically and welcomingly quiet.

“I think I’m gonna go see him.” He felt Ryuu’s arm tense around him. Ryuu knew how his relationship was with his parents, he saw the end of it firsthand.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said, temper rising on his best friend’s behalf.

“Yes, I do,” Yuu said, wiping at his face some more. “Emi said that if I don’t… If I don’t go, she’s gonna leave me, too.”

“You don’t need her,” Ryuu said, causing Yuu to look at him, his eyebrows raised in surprise. Ryuu’s face was dark, his eyes on fire. “You don’t have to go back there. You don’t owe them anything!”

“You don’t understand…” Yuu looked away again, knowing it was a lie. Ryuu understood, he understood all too well.

“Don’t,” Ryuu said, his voice stern. “Don’t you dare pretend that I didn’t see what they did to you, how they treated you. Don’t pretend that they didn’t rip you apart, that all that time it took me to put you back together was nothing. Don’t you _fucking dare_ , Yuu.”

He shrugged off Ryuu’s arm and stood up. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Ryuu, I’m sorry.” He looked down at his friend, whose burning eyes wouldn’t leave him, no matter how far he paced. “I just can’t _not_ go. Emi’s having a baby, Ryuu! I’m gonna be an uncle!”

Ryuu finally looked away with a _tch_. 

After a moment and a few more paces back and forth, Yuu grabbed his shoulders. “I will _never_ forget what they did to me,” he said, his voice surprisingly level. “Or everything you did for me. I will remember that until I’m dead. I promise.”

Ryuu glanced at him out of the side of his eye, then finally turned his head. He put his hands on Yuu’s forearms and patted them. “I guess I can’t stop you,” he said. “At least let me come with you.”

Yuu shook his head and let his arms fall to his side. “No,” he said, running a hand through his bed-mussed hair. “Sorry, buddy. I gotta do this on my own.”

Ryuu frowned, but he seemed to understand. “What about Asahi?” he asked.

Yuu groaned and flopped face-first onto his bed. “I don’t know,” he whined into the comforter. “He…doesn’t really know the extent of it… I mean, he knows I don’t talk to my parents anymore, but he doesn’t really know why. I mean, I’m sure he can figure it out, but…” His muffled voice trailed off and he rolled over. “I’ll talk to him when I actually know when I’m going.”

With a nod, Ryuu seemed satisfied. He glanced over at Yuu’s alarm clock and stood up. “Shit, I gotta get to work.”

“Yeah, sorry for holding you up.” Yuu pulled the blankets around him and burrowed into them.

“Hey, no problem at all, man,” Ryuu said with a grin. “Text me if you wanna,” he added. “I’m always here for you, bro.”

Yuu smiled at him from amidst his burrito. “Thanks, bro,” he said, watching as his friend left, closing the door behind him. Yuu sighed and wrapped the blankets tighter, and eventually drifted back to sleep.

\--

The next day, Yuu met Asahi outside of the bookstore at the end of his shift. After the phone call the previous morning, Yuu had thrown himself into his painting, skipping his only class and cancelling his pre-existing coffee date. As soon as Asahi stepped outside and saw him, he could tell something was wrong, and Yuu hated that little wrinkle in his brow.

He reached up and ran a thumb over his boyfriend’s forehead with a small smile. “Put that away,” he teased.

“What’s wrong?” Asahi wasn’t beating around the bush today, and Yuu found himself appreciating his straight-forwardness for once. This was a time-sensitive issue and there was no point trying to avoid it.

“I’m going to Atlanta,” he said.

It didn’t seem like that was what Asahi was expecting. “Oh.”

Yuu took Asahi’s hand and started walking towards the Starbucks on the corner, the one that Ryuu worked at, though he wasn’t currently working. He ran his other hand through his hair. “Yeah, uh… My dad’s sick.”

“Oh,” Asahi said again. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Yuu shook his head; he had expected that reaction. “Don’t be,” he said. “I’m not.”

Again, Asahi said, “Oh.”

“I, uh, don’t really have a relationship with him anymore. I’m mostly going back to see my sister. She’s pregnant.” He smiled.

Asahi hesitated before saying anything. “That’s awesome,” he finally said, returning Yuu’s smile.

“Yeah,” Yuu said. “I’m thinking that I might, um, stay until she’s had the baby.” Asahi looked surprised, and Yuu quickly added, “But it really could be any day! She’s, like, _really_ pregnant.” He laughed nervously.

“When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow,” Yuu said. “Early tomorrow. Ryuu’s taking me to the airport.”

“Oh.” The simple sound held so much disappointment, so much dread, and Yuu’s heart ached.

“I’m sorry it’s so sudden,” he said. “Emi just called yesterday, and we just got the flight details figured out this morning.”

“I mean, you can’t really help it,” Asahi said, his small smile telling Yuu that he understood completely. 

Yuu leaned gently into him, catching a whiff of old books. He smiled; he loved that smell, far more than he ever thought he would. “Yeah, it’s just…really sudden. For me, at least. I mean, I hadn’t given them much thought lately, like, at all, actually. My parents, I mean. And, well… I didn’t even know Emi was married…” He furrowed his brow and frowned slightly as Asahi held the door open for him. “Sorry,” he said when Asahi stepped up behind him in line. “I’m rambling.”

“It’s okay,” Asahi said, surprised by the apology. “You can ramble, you know I don’t mind.” He smiled, his teeth flashing white behind his lips, and Yuu was instantly reassured.

“Oh, you can come to the airport if you want,” Yuu offered. “We’re leaving pretty early, but you can stay at my place tonight. If you want.”

Asahi nodded, his smiling spreading to his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “Sure, I’d really like that.”

Yuu wrapped his arms around Asahi’s waist and squeezed, burying his face in his chest. “Good!” he said, muffled. He looked up with a grin. “I’d really like that, too.”

They got their drinks and sat down.

“Do you need to go home and get anything?” Yuu asked.

Asahi thought about it for a moment, and Yuu could see him considering whether or not he could comfortably sleep in what he was currently wearing. “Yeah, I think I’ll run home and grab some things.”

“I can see if Ryuu can run you over, so you don’t have to take the bus,” Yuu offered. “I know he wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s fine, if he’s really okay with it.”

Yuu pulled out his phone and sent a text off to his friend.

> Asahis gonna spend the night tonight and come with us to the airport

> At your Starbucks rn

> Wanna come pick us up so he can run to his place and grab some things?

>> Do I have to put pants on?

> Nah bro youre good

>> Cool. Want me to come now?

> No rush

> Just lemme know when youre on your way

“Yeah, he’s cool with it,” Yuu said, turning back to Asahi.

“Okay, cool.”

\--

They stayed up way too late watching movies, so it took Yuu a minute to realize that his alarm was going off. With his eyes still shut he reached out to where his alarm should have been, but was met with nothing. He groaned and opened his eyes, blinking away the sleep before realizing he was on the floor. The alarm was still going off and he soon found it on the table above him, shutting it off and staggering to his feet. The collar of his t-shirt clung damp to his throat and he tugged at it, pulling off the whole shirt that he couldn’t even remember why he thought it was a good idea wear. He turned to drop it on his bed and then he saw, and he remembered.

Asahi hadn’t seemed at all bothered by the alarm blaring in his ears and Yuu found his immovability somewhat charming. He still had some time before he needed to be up, so his wiggled his way under Asahi’s arm and laid his head on his chest.

The blissfulness of Asahi’s heartbeat in his ear didn’t last long as Ryuu’s fist pounded on his door.

“Yuu I heard your alarm!” Ryuu called. “You’d better be up.”

Yuu reluctantly lifted his head. “’M up!” he growled. When he looked back down at Asahi, his eyes were open, a small grin on his sleepy face. Yuu kissed his cheek with a smile. “Morning, beautiful,” he said.

Asahi’s cheeks pinked and he wrapped Yuu in a warm embrace, kissing the top of his head. “G’morning,” he mumbled into his hair.

“Ryuu says it’s time to get up, so I guess that means we should get up,” Yuu said.

“Not yet,” Asahi said, his arms not loosening their grip.

“As much as I would love to stay in bed with you all day, I’ve got a flight to catch.”

Asahi reluctantly let go and watched from the pillow as Yuu rolled out of bed. “Are you gonna shower or anything?” he asked, watching Yuu’s back as he stretched.

“Like hell I’m gonna wash myself for those people,” he spat with unwarranted hostility. He chewed his lip, then added, gentler, “I mean, I’m gonna be sitting on a gross plane all day anyway. It’d be a waste.” He looked cautiously at Asahi over his shoulder, back still toward him.

Asahi sat up and planted his feet on the floor. He waved his hand in a motion that signaled Yuu to come closer. His eyes were soft and his smile was oh, so inviting.

Yuu slowly turned around and walked over to him, putting his arms over his shoulders. “I like this angle,” Yuu said, looking down at his boyfriend with a smile.

Asahi wrapped his arms around Yuu’s waist and pulled him closer, grinning as he pressed his lips against his bare sternum. “I love you,” he breathed into Yuu’s skin, causing his arms to erupt with goosebumps. He loosened his grip, looked up, and smiled.

Yuu blinked down at him, a warmth spreading from the center of his chest all the way out to the tips of his fingers, dusting even his cheeks with a slight redness. Once over the shock of the gesture, Yuu grinned. “I love you, too,” he said, leaning down and giving Asahi a proper kiss. “But I really need to get ready.”

Asahi let him go and flopped back over onto the bed. “Okay,” he sighed. 

Yuu looked down at him, smiling. “Aren’t you gonna get ready?”

“I guess.” Asahi yawned but otherwise didn’t move.

Yuu raised an eyebrow. “Well?”

“Gimme a minute.”

Yuu was afraid that if Asahi’s eyes closed again, he’d be gone. He reached down and grabbed his wrist, tugging. “Come on, big guy,” he said, voice strained with effort. “Up you come.”

Yuu hadn’t packed much, just a garment bag borrowed from Ryuu’s dad and his backpack filled with sketchpads and textbooks. The only reason he opted out of a suitcase and went for the garment bag was because he thought to bring his nice suit. Just in case. He was somewhat mad about it, about the fact that if he did have to wear it, it would forever be ruined for him. He liked that suit a lot. Ryuu helped him pick it out for his first art show a couple years back. It was tailored just for him, and he looked damn fine in it.

He threw his backpack over his shoulder and grabbed the garment bag, following Ryuu out the door, Asahi bringing up the rear. None of them talked much over the toast and eggs Ryuu cooked up for breakfast. They were just as quiet as they climbed into the Prius parked on the curb.

“Thanks again for driving me,” Yuu said as he climbed into the back seat with Asahi.

“Never a problem, bro,” Ryuu said, grinning at him in the rear-view mirror. “Though I wish I didn’t feel like such a chauffeur, honestly.”

Yuu pulled Asahi a little closer to him so that when he leaned on his shoulder, Ryuu could see it. “Take me away, James.”

Ryuu grumbled as he turned on the radio and pulled away.

Yuu spent the entire car ride with his head on Asahi’s shoulder, trying desperately to distract himself from the tip ahead. His fingers brushed idly over Asahi’s knuckles as he inspected the back of his hand; the dark skin, the cracks and scars, the small patches of hair.

At the airport half an hour later, Ryuu pulled up to the curb. It luckily wasn’t too crowded so they weren’t rushed in their goodbyes. Ryuu shut off the car for a moment and got out, giving his friend a hug. “Let me know if you need anything while you’re down there,” he said, offering Yuu his fist. “ _Anything_.”

Yuu nodded and bumped his own fist against Ryuu’s. “Yeah, of course.”

As Ryuu headed back around to get into the car, Asahi pulled Yuu into a hug. “I’m going to miss you,” he said.

Yuu’s fingers curled into the fabric of Asahi’s shirt and he rested his head against his chest. “I’m gonna miss you, too.” He pulled back and looked up at his boyfriend. “I love you,” he said. “I shouldn’t be gone too long, just until Emi has her baby. Then I’ll be back.” He smiled. “I’ll keep you posted on everything.”

Asahi’s smile was small, but it was there. “I love you, too.” He cupped Yuu’s chin in his large hand and pulled him up for a kiss. “Travel safe, okay? Text me when you land?”

Yuu nodded and pressed his cheek into Asahi’s palm. “Of course,” he said, kissing the calloused skin before it fell away.

Asahi let him go and turned back to the car, looking over his shoulder with a smile before climbing in. “Bye,” he said, and closed the door.

Yuu stood there on the sidewalk with his backpack and garment bag and watched them leave, giving a small wave and an even smaller smile. Once they rounded the corner back toward the freeways, he turned toward the airport, staring through its glass windows and dreading everything that was coming next.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuu makes it safely to Atlanta and visits his very pregnant sister.

The flight itself was uneventful. Yuu busied himself with little things the entire time to distract his brain from thinking about what awaited him in Atlanta. It was going to suck no matter what, and what made it even worse was that he was being picked up by a complete stranger, Emily’s husband.

Up until the first phone call from his sister, Yuu didn’t even know the guy existed, and it wasn’t until the second phone call, the one with the flight details, that he got a name for him. Jamie. 

When Yuu was still in high school, he had been privy to Emily’s dating patterns, and he honestly never cared for any of her boyfriends. Jamie must have come along later, and he hoped beyond all hope that he was different from the others. Apparently something was different; Emily had married him, and was having his child. Something _must_ have been different about him.

He sent both Asahi and Ryuu texts to let them know that he landed safely.

As he walked toward the baggage claim to find his checked luggage, he kept his eyes peeled. There were quite a few people standing there waiting with signs, but Yuu found the man holding the NISHINOYA sign quite easily. He walked over, backpack over one shoulder and hands in his pockets. 

The man was surprisingly short, though still a good bit taller than Yuu, his auburn hair shaggy but well-kept, a pair of dark-framed glasses magnifying equally dark eyes. He smiled as Yuu approached, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“You must be Yuu,” he said, lowering his sign and offering a hand.

Yuu shook it half-heartedly. “Yeah,” he said.

“I’m Jamie. It’s so great to finally meet you. Your sister has told me so much about you.”

“Yeah, cool,” Yuu said. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Emily really wanted to get you herself, but, well…” He shrugged and let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, I understand.” Yuu looked over toward the carousel as the luggage from his flight began to appear. “I’m just gonna grab my bag.” He walked over and stood with other people from his plane, waiting as the baggage slowly passed him. When his garment bag appeared, he snatched it up and returned to his brother-in-law.

“That’s it?” Jamie asked.

Yuu shrugged. “I didn’t want to over-pack. I don’t intend to stay long.”

Jamie nodded, understanding, then headed for the doors. “I’m parked in the garage.”

Yuu followed after him, silently. Usually he didn’t mind meeting new people, in fact he typically enjoyed it. But under the current circumstances, he didn’t really want much to do with this man.

Jamie seemed to sense that, and as they stood in the elevator going to the parking garage, he let out a sigh. “I know this isn’t easy for you,” he said. “It really means a lot to Emily that you’re here, though. And, well…” He paused and shrugged lightly. “We’re kind of brothers now, right?” He looked over at Yuu with a grin.

Yuu stared down at his hands, the knuckles turning white from how tightly he held onto the handles of his garment bag. “I guess,” he said.

Jamie kept talking as the elevator doors opened and he exited onto his level. “I was the youngest of three boys,” he said. “And I always sort of wanted a younger brother.”

Yuu watched him as he followed, but didn’t say anything. He was silently thankful about how Jamie already seemed to be perceiving him.

Jamie looked back, as if checking to make sure Yuu was still there. “I hope we can at least be friends,” he said.

They made it to the car, a little pale green hatchback, and Jamie popped the trunk, allowing Yuu to throw his things inside. He climbed into the passenger’s seat and Jamie started the car. Yuu felt kind of overall crappy, but he could sense that Jamie was a good guy. He knew that he should at least give him a chance, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment.

“How’s life in Seattle?” Jamie asked.

“Good. It’s a really neat city.”

“Totally different vibe from New Orleans, I bet.”

Yuu nodded, his eyes forward as Jamie drove. “Yeah, completely.” And both the cities were worlds better than Atlanta, his own personal Hell. The roads they took were so familiar, roads he’d seen his whole adolescent life. He hadn’t thought about them in a long time; the routes through suburbs, the intertwining interstates, the lakes and fields and houses and businesses. It looked exactly like he remembered, like nothing had changed in four years. Every little pot-hole was an unpleasant blemish upon his memory.

After a while with nothing but the radio and the hum of pavement filling their ears, Yuu took a deep breath, determined to at least _try_ and get to know Jamie, at least while he could before they were in the presence of the rest of his family. “So,” he said, tapping his fingers against his thighs. “What is it you do, anyway?”

A smile spread across Jamie’s profile and he seemed happy that Yuu was making an effort. “I’m a veterinarian,” he said. “I work at the zoo.”

That was probably the last thing Yuu had been expecting. “Oh,” he said, trying not to sound too surprised. “That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, it’s awesome. What about you? What are you up to in Seattle?”

“Oh, I’m in grad school at the University of Washington,” Yuu answered. His life hadn’t really been a hot topic during the phone calls with his sister. “Art history.”

“Cool,” Jamie said. “Emily said you were always into art when you were younger. That’s cool.”

Yuu shrugged. “Yeah, the history part isn’t exactly something I’m horribly passionate about, but the program keeps me busy and pushes off my student loans.”

“I can understand that. You still do art yourself, then?”

“Yeah, I paint some.”

“Very cool. I’d like to see some of your work sometime. If you don’t mind.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. I’ve got some pictures on my phone I can show you, I guess. You know, when you’re not driving.”

Jamie chuckled. “Cool.”

“Oh! I almost forgot,” Yuu said. “Congrats. You know, for the baby.”

Jamie smiled in that way that only new fathers-to-be seemed to be able to. It was broad and genuine, a full-face smile that was full of pride. “Thanks,” he said, then laughed nervously. “It’s scary.”

“I bet…” Yuu couldn’t even imagine having a baby anytime soon, mostly for financial reasons, if he was being honest. Being a zoo vet, though, he guessed that Jamie wasn’t worried about that. “I think you guys will do great, though.”

Jamie looked over briefly, giving him a nervous smile. “You think so?” he asked.

Yuu nodded.

They pulled into the driveway of a small suburban house, the kind with the front yard but no picket fence, the paneling a pale yellow. It was exactly the kind of house Yuu expected his sister to have, and he was glad that some things never change. Jamie shut off the car and popped open the trunk.

“I’m gonna bet you want to relax for a bit before heading to the hospital,” he said.

Yuu nodded. “Yeah. Maybe take a quick shower. I feel pretty gross after traveling all day.”

Jamie laughed. He laughed a lot, and Yuu liked that about him. He was glad he wasn’t too serious. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

Yuu grabbed his things from the trunk and followed Jamie as he led the way to the front door.

“We’ve got towels and shower things in the hallway bathroom for you,” Jamie said, pointing to the stairs that led to the upper floor. “The guest bedroom is all yours, too. First door on the right. You can drop your stuff in there. No rush.”

Yuu nodded and thanked him before climbing up the stairs.

When Emily first asked him to come he imagined himself returning to the bedroom he grew up in, and the thought made his stomach turn. She must have considered that when she offered for him to stay with her and Jamie. In the four years since they had really talked, Yuu’s sister had finished grad school, gotten married, bought a house, and gotten pregnant; there were probably more things she had done that Yuu just hadn’t learned about yet.

Photos lined the walls up the stairs and in the hallway that documented her life, all those important moments and more. There were photos of Jamie, too, of course. Their wedding photos were stunning, and Yuu thought his sister looked beautiful. His heart ached that he hadn’t been there.

His breath caught in his throat as his eyes fell on the next set of photos, ones of Emily as a child, an Emily that Yuu knew very well. But there among them were pictures of him, too. His own eyes stared back at him from the frames, glittering and full of life and happiness. The child’s smile was wide, missing teeth in most of the pictures, a face usually smudged with dirt. There was a candid photo of them playing dress-up, a photo of them on the swing set in their backyard, Emily always just a little bit bigger, both of them happy and both of them definitely girls.

He hadn’t looked at that version of himself in a long time. He had forgotten how happy he had been when he was younger. It had been completely overshadowed by the misery of his late teens and young adulthood. Things were simpler back then.

With a sigh he turned from the photos and trudged into the guest room, eyes glancing once again at the set of wedding photos before pushing the door open. He dropped his garment bag on the bed and thought about what all he had done in the past few years. He had gone through the stupidly long and expensive process of changing his name, started hormone replacement therapy, had at least a dozen different part-time jobs, finished college, moved to the other side of the country, and started grad school. 

And met Asahi.

He smiled a bit to himself. That was probably the highlight of the last four years. He pulled out his phone, opened his SnapChat app and walked over to the doorway. He sent Asahi a picture of the room with the caption “Home sweet home I guess!”

A few moments later he received a response, a picture of Asahi’s smiling face—as awkward and endearing as it always was in his selfies—taken in his bed, where he was probably sitting with his computer. The caption read “Looks cozy!”

Yuu flopped down on his own bed and laid his head on the cushy pillow. He sent a selfie back, captioning it “Quite!”

His next notification was a text.

>> Good luck.

He stared at the text for a moment as the emotions swirled inside of him. The joy he felt from Asahi’s words made his heart race, but he was angry that he needed that luck in the first place. 

> Thanks ❤

It was probably a good idea to shower sometime soon, though. Even though Jamie had said “no rush”, Yuu knew there was a rush. He rolled off the bed and opened his garment bag, first pulling out his suit, which he hung in the closet, then a clean shirt and underwear. He took those with him as he left the room and crossed the hall to the bathroom.

An hour later, Yuu was getting back into the car, cleaned, refreshed, and ready for his life to end. As Jamie pulled out of the driveway, Yuu wanted to be anywhere but where they were going. Most of all, he wanted to be back home in his own bed, yelling at Ryuu to bring him some cereal, snuggled up against Asahi’s warm, broad chest. Though he admittedly would have settled for literally anywhere.

“I assume you want to stop and see Emily first?” Jamie said, noting Yuu’s apprehension.

He sank lower in his seat, as low as his seatbelt would allow him to go, his eyes barely high enough to see out the window. “Sounds great,” he mumbled.

The rest of the car ride was silent and it was over quicker than Yuu would have liked. Before he knew it, they were pulling into the hospital’s parking lot and walking toward the large glass doors. Yuu followed closely behind Jamie as he strode through the hallways, his feet so sure of where he was going like they’d been there a thousand times. He stopped outside a room, its door opened, and looked at Yuu.

“Here we are,” Jamie said, motioning to the room.

Yuu swallowed hard, looking at the open doorway. The TV was on inside. He took a deep breath, walked past Jamie, and entered.

There in the bed, his sister sat. She looked just like he remembered, a soft face with the same almond eyes that he saw in the mirror every day, her face a little chubbier from the pregnancy, but still hers. She was small, just like Yuu, the hospital gown clinging to her small shoulders. Her eyes left the television screen and when they landed on him, her entire face lit up. “Yuu!” she said, throwing off the sheets to reveal her very round stomach. She turned herself so that her legs hung over the bed, her feet straining to find the floor.

Yuu rushed over to stop her from getting up. When he got to her, she threw her arms around him.

“I’m so happy you’re here!”

Yuu slowly wrapped his arms around her, returning the embrace. He chewed on his lip, unable to think of anything to say. He was so happy to see her, happier than he had expected to be.

When Emily finally released her grasp on him, she held him out at arm’s length, looking him over. Her eyes were tired and puffy, but still so full of life as they scanned him. She smiled. “You look great,” she said. “I hardly even recognize you anymore.”

“Good.” It wasn’t exactly what he had meant to say, but there it was.

Emily quirked a knowing grin, tilting her head slightly.

“You look kinda like shit,” he said, causing his sister to laugh. The sound of her laughter pulled at the corners of Yuu’s lips until he gave in to the smile.

“Being super pregnant will do that to you,” she said, pulling her feet back onto the bed and turning so she leaned against the pillows. She patted the sheets next to her, inviting Yuu to sit.

He did so with some hesitation, but eventually made himself comfortable. He stared down at his hands folded in his lap, bits of paint still stuck under his nails. Just being near his sister again was nice, but he couldn’t think of anything to say.

Luckily, Emily had plenty of things she wanted to ask him. “So what have you been up to?” she asked.

They talked for a long while, catching up on everything that had happened in the past four years. Talking to her was like talking to a stranger, there was so much he didn’t know. In a way, it almost made him forget that she had been part of his life at all, and that somehow made her absence hurt a little less.

Emily apologized so many times for not keeping in touch, and all of her excuses seemed empty. “You needed space,” she said. “I was selfish,” she said. “I was scared.”

“Scared of what, exactly?” Yuu needed to know.

“I dunno… Of saying the wrong thing. Or Mom and Dad getting mad at _me._ Maybe, I think… I dunno, scared to accept that I didn’t have a little sister anymore…” She looked down at her lap and frowned. 

Her frown said it all. The furrow in her brow reflected the anguish and regret she had dealt with over the past four years. Yuu wanted to reach over and hug her, to tell her that it was okay, that it couldn’t have been easy, but it hadn’t been easy for him, and he was still so mad. Just as mad as he had been four years ago. Flowing through him was the same wave of contempt that he remembered feeling when he decided not to put his sister’s number in his new phone. She had his number for all those years, but her pain was never enough to prompt her to pick up the phone and call. In those years she had cared so little that she didn’t even invite him to her wedding. She didn’t even bother to tell him. Not until now, anyway. And he was still furious. He was angry and he was bitter and all he wanted to do was to be able to forgive her.

“I’m so sorry, Yuu,” she said, her voice quietly permeating his growing rage. “I’m sorry for calling you and making you come. I’m sorry for not calling sooner. I’m sorry for not being there for you when you were all alone. I’m sorry.”

Yuu finally looked over at her. “You’re so selfish,” he said, his voice quiet as he gently shook his head.

“I know.”

He shook his head harder. “I’m not sure you do.”

“Then help me understand. Talk to me, Yuu.”

He chewed his lip as he considered his words. “You didn’t even try to talk to me. A call would have been nice. Maybe a wedding invite?” He looked at her with a fire in his eyes that caused her to shrink back.

“Yuu, I’m sorry,” she said again. “You hadn’t reached out to me, either!”

“You shut me out!” Yuu yelled. “Just like Mom and Dad! You wanted nothing to do with me, and I wasn’t about to waste my time trying to change your mind.”

“I should’ve called.”

Yuu looked away, his arms crossed over his chest. “Yeah, you should’ve.”

She was quiet for a minute, nodding her head slowly as she stared down at her hands. 

Yuu heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Emi, I want to forgive you, but I’m not ready,” he said, his voice even. “But I want to be one day.” He wrung his hands together in his lap, looking from them to Emily’s face, back down and then up again. 

She nodded. “I understand,” she said. “I was awful. I want to do everything I can to make it up to you. And maybe one day earn your forgiveness.” She brushed her hair out of her face a smiled. “I love you, and I just want you to be happy. I didn’t really understand that happiness looks different to different people. I was… I was mad, mad and confused. But I know a lot more now.” She reached a hand out and placed it on top of both of Yuu’s, causing him to stop wringing them together. “I know I can’t undo what I did, but I’m gonna try so hard, Yuu.” She smiled and squeezed his hands. “Is that okay? Will you let me try?”

Yuu turned a hand over so he could return the squeeze. “Yeah,” he said.

He stayed in his sister’s hospital room for hours, Jamie joining them from time to time, nurses coming in to check on her. Yuu wanted to talk to her forever if it meant he didn’t have to go see their father. He had stalled long enough that visiting hours ended, though, so he would have to postpone that visit until the next day. 

Jamie took him back to the house and he retired to the guest room immediately, thankful that Jamie seemed willing to give him space. He flopped down onto the bed with a sigh and pulled out his phone, Asahi was probably ready for an update.

> Just left the hospital

> Emis doing great :D

> The Fun Visit will happen tomorrow

>> Glad she’s doing well. How are you doing?

> Ugh

>> I’m sorry :(

> I miss you

>> I miss you, too ❤

> I wish I wasnt here rn

>> I know. You’ll be fine, though. I love you so much

Yuu smiled.

> I love you, too

> Emi wants to give the baby a japanese name

> Pretty cool, huh?

>> Yeah that’s awesome! :D Did she tell you what it was?

> Not yet

> She doesnt wanna jinx it lol

>> Fair enough

> Sorry its late

> Did I wake u up?

>> Nope. I didn’t want to go to bed until I heard from you

> Sorry to keep u waiting up then

>> I don’t mind ❤

> Ill let u sleep now tho

> I love you, Asahi ❤

>> I love you, too, Yuu ❤❤

> Ill text you tomorrow

> Possibly a lot

>> Okay. I’ll be here

> Gnight ❤

>> G’night ❤

Yuu stared at the message thread for a while, tapping the screen to keep it lit, his eyes scanning the conversation as something clenched inside of him. He loved Asahi, he loved him so much. He found himself wondering what he had done to deserve him. There was a goodness in Asahi that Yuu never expected to find, and definitely never thought he would ever date. Even after all those months, he still couldn’t believe it sometimes.

With a light sigh, he let his phone fall onto his chest and just laid there staring at the ceiling. He wanted to go home. He wanted to wake up and go to class tomorrow, not visit his estranged and dying father in the hospital.

He must have been more tired than he thought. The next thing he knew it was two in the morning and he was laying on top of the blankets still fully dressed. He would have just rolled over and kept sleeping, but he needed to plug his phone in, and it would probably be a good idea to take his binder off.

Before moving, though, he picked his phone up and opened his messenger app, the thread with Asahi being the first one to show up. He looked at it for a moment before switching to a different one.

> Broooo u still up?

>> ye man sup?

> Ugh today kinda sucked

> And I know tomorrows gonna be worse

>> wut happened?

> I just spent the evening with emi

> Shes good

> Been up to a lot

> I havent forgiven her yet tho

> But I wanna be there for her kid yknow?

>> ye good for u man

>> I wanna meet the lil nugget too ngl

>> babies r gr8

> U can be Uncle Ryuu lmao

>> YES

>> BRO IM SO PUMPED

>> idk if Saekos ever gonna have kids so this might be my chance 2 b the cool uncle

> Nah man IM gonna be the cool uncle

>> cmon share some of the cool plz

> U can have a little bit

> But this kid is my flesh and blood

> So I got dibs

>> fair enough

>> so parents tomorrow huh?

> Yeah

> Yeah it’s gonna suck

> Dont make me do this bro

>> I remember tellin u not 2 actually

> Fuck youre right

> Why didnt I listen?

>> cuz ur an idiot lol

> Damn it

>> im here tho if u need anything

>> and ill be there in a heartbeat if u want me to

>> u know that right?

> Yeah man I know…

> I think I gotta get thru this on my own tho

> But ill be good I think

>> o yea

>> asahi came by sbux today lol

>> he looked sad n lonely

>> so ud better get back soon

>> idk if he can handle u being gone lol

> Yeah I feel bad

> I miss him

> Keep him company for me will u?

>> I guess

> Thanks ryuu

>> w/e

>> lol

> Im gonna go to bed

> Or at least try to

>> ye I probs should too

>> hang in there bro

> Thanks

> Ill try

>> nite

> Gnight

With unrivaled reluctance, he tossed his feet over the edge of the bed and sat up. He stretched his arms over his head and twisted the crick out of his neck before getting to his feet and changing into his pajamas.

He had never been fond of wearing shirts to bed, but figured that since he was a guest at someone else’s house, it would be better if he did. He had packed a shirt that he had not-so-subtly stolen from Asahi’s closet a week or so prior; a soft, light-weight button-down that he sometimes wore around his house when he was alone. He pulled it out of his garment bag and tossed it and his pajama pants onto the bed before stripping out of his clothes.

The shirt went down nearly to his knees, making the pants mostly unnecessary, so he just pushed them to the floor and crawled into bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time for Yuu to face his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I just want to warn that this is the Parents chapter, and includes misgendering and generally non-understanding parents, which has obviously been a thing that was gonna happen eventually in this fic, but I just wanted to say explicitly that it is THIS CHAPTER that has it, so that anyone can prepare themselves for it if they need to. Thank you so much for reading and for your support.

Yuu had no problem sleeping that night, which just made the morning come that much faster. His alarm woke him from a deep sleep, and it took him a minute to remember where he was. As soon as his brain recalled what was on his agenda for the day, he let out a groan. It wasn’t going to help putting it off, so he rolled himself out of bed.

After getting dressed, he headed across the hall to the bathroom. Some clattering came from the kitchen downstairs, signaling that Jamie was also awake.

He peered into the bathroom mirror, taking in his own visage. There were bags under his eyes that he could already hear his mother commenting on; even after four years, her voice was seared into his mind. He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging gently on the blond streak in his bangs. He hadn’t bothered bringing his gel, so his dark locks hung limply and slightly disheveled over his ears. What would his mother have to say about the hair? He lifted a hand and brushed a finger over the ring in his lip. She would probably roll her eyes at the piercings, but if she saw his ink, it was very likely that she would completely lose her shit and disown him all over again. A smirk found its way to the corner of his lips and he looked down at the sink.

With his teeth brushed and his hair somewhat straightened up, he went downstairs. Jamie was sitting on a stool at the island counter, scrolling through news on a tablet while drinking some coffee. He looked up when Yuu entered and smiled.

“Good morning,” he said, Yuu giving a small grunt in return. “Help yourself to some coffee. Would you like some eggs or something?”

A mug was sitting there waiting for him and he poured the coffee into it. “Nah, I’m not really hungry.”

Jamie frowned and glanced back down at the news.

Yuu leaned against the counter across from him, cupping the mug in both hands. “Hey, uh… Thanks for putting up with me,” he said.

His brother-in-law looked up with raised eyebrows. “Oh, yeah. No problem,” he said. He paused for a moment and scratched his chin. “I mean, it’s not like I have much else to do. I’ve got a couple weeks off from work, so it’s either hang out with you or sit around the hospital all day. And don’t get me wrong, I love your sister, but hospitals are pretty boring.”

Yuu smiled down at his coffee. “Yeah, they get pretty old pretty fast,” he agreed.

“What time do you want to head over today?”

“Never.” The word left his mouth as a sort of reflex, and he sharply looked up at Jamie.

A warm apologetic smile graced his face. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he said.

“No, I have to,” Yuu said with a sigh, eyes falling back down to his coffee. “Emi would probably kill me if I didn’t at this point…” He glanced back up at Jamie suspiciously. “I would’ve thought she’d have you keeping me on a leash.”

That drew a laugh from Jamie and he shook his head. “No. I think she trusts you to go. I just wouldn’t blame you at all if you didn’t.”

“You don’t even know the half of it, though.”

“I think I know enough to understand. I know they kicked you out and gave you nowhere to go, that they basically abandoned you when you were still pretty much a kid.”

Yuu tried to shrink himself. The words coming from a stranger made the memories hurt even more. But he really shouldn’t have been surprised that his sister had told him that.

Jamie took a sip of his coffee. “I’ve only known your parents for a few years, and they’re not really bad people. I respect them a lot, actually. But what they did was unforgiveable. I mean, it’s not my forgiveness to give, but if it was, I wouldn’t be able to do it.”

“I don’t intend on forgiving them,” Yuu said, his voice filled with disdain. He hadn’t been sure why he was there, what he was hoping to get out of seeing his parents again, aside from doing it for Emily, but then it suddenly came to him. “I want them to see that they were wrong, and that I’m perfectly fine, even without them. Emi, though… Emi I think I’ll be able to forgive.”

“I’m glad.”

“But my parents?” Yuu shook his head. “There’s nothing they could do to make it up.” 

Jamie nodded. “Are you sure you don’t want any eggs or anything?”

Yuu tossed down the rest of his coffee and nodded. “Yeah, I’m good,” he said. “I’m ready to go.”

The entire car ride was silent. Yuu kept his eyes plastered on his hands in his lap, but could feel it every time Jamie glanced his way. Jamie was right, though; he didn’t _have_ to do this. 

But he did.

They pulled into the parking lot and Jamie turned off the car. “Do you want to stop and see Emily first?” he asked.

Yuu shook his head. “No… If I do that, I’ll be there all day.” He turned to Jamie and forced a grin. “Just point me in the right direction.” 

They went inside together and parted ways at the nurses’ station. Jamie went in the direction of the maternity ward, and sent Yuu off down the hallway toward his father’s room.

The hallway seemed to stretch on forever, endless doors on both sides, busy staff rushing past and parting like frenzied fish around him. With every heavy step the end of the hall loomed nearer, his father’s room just around the corner. Hours passed in just a dozen footsteps, the whole world buzzing around him as his mind ground slowly to a halt, his body continuing to move on muscle memory alone.

He paused when he finally reached the corner, nails digging into his palms as he mentally prepared himself for what could be a fight for his life. With a deep inhale, he filled his lungs with air and took those final few steps around the corner, his father’s room only yards away.

Chairs lined the sides of the hallway, most of them empty. But in one of them sat a very familiar face, one that he hadn’t seen in years, but the same as it had been. He stopped a good five yards away, waiting for her to look up. When she finally did, his own mother did a double take before getting to her feet.

“Julia!” she exclaimed, stepping quickly in Yuu’s direction.

He dodged the physical contact she attempted to initiate, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “It’s ‘Yuu’, Mom. My name’s Yuu.”

She was smaller than him, her tiny frame not quite reaching five feet. Her hands reached up toward Yuu’s face, and he resigned to her touch, letting her cradle his head and turn it back and forth. “What is all this?” she asked, eying his piercings as if they might burn her. “And what have you done to your hair? So damaged!”

He pulled his face away and took a step back. “I didn’t come here for a lecture,” he said.

She smiled at him. “I am so glad that you’re here. Come! Your father is waiting.” She took his hand and pulled him toward the closed door, but his feet wouldn’t move.

“Mom, wait,” he said, causing his mom to look back at him. “My name is Yuu.”

“That is not what _I_ named you,” she said, her mouth a stern line and her eyes glinting with a determination that could often be found in his own. “That is a silly name, anyway. Do you even know what it means?”

“Of course I do!” he said, exasperated. He had seen this coming. He could have avoided it, and he should have.

His mother looked at him for a moment, then turned back to the door, tugging on his wrist. “Now come. Your father has missed his little girl tremendously, and even if she does look like a boy, he will be so glad to see her.”

“Mom, stop!” Yuu yanked his arm away. “You don’t get it! You never have!”

“Julia!” she scolded, her face flushing with embarrassment. “Keep your voice down, you’re making a scene!”

“You’re the one making me make a scene!” he said, though he did make an effort to lower his voice as the eyes of the passing hospital staff lingered a bit longer than was comfortable. “You never even tried to understand.”

“Then explain to me exactly what is wrong with you.”

Yuu threw his hands into the air as a sign of his frustration. “There’s nothing wrong with me! It’s just who I am!” His voice was rising again and he didn’t care. “It’s not like I’m some absurd oddity that has never been seen before! I’m not alone, Mom! I’m not the only trans person in the world! Do some research! Google it! It’s not hard!” He pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to quell the headache that was brewing, and he couldn’t even blame it on a lack of caffeine. He exhaled sharply. “This was a mistake.”

“Well, you’re here now. Go see your father.” She seemed unshaken by his outburst, and that almost made him madder. His anger meant nothing to her. And the pain she caused? Not at all phased. 

“Fine. But I’m not taking any of his shit.” He walked past his _tsk_ ing mother and opened the door into the hospital room.

What awaited him was exactly what anyone would expect to find in the hospital room of a dying person. All the things they could do to make him comfortable; an oxygen tank fed him the purest air, an IV drip kept him hydrated and undoubtedly medicated, a heart monitor beeped faintly with every beat, a sack for shit hung to one side. 

It was a sad sight, but when Yuu saw it, he felt nothing. 

What he saw was a stranger, the husk of a man he wasn’t even sure he ever knew. Sure, there was some resemblance to the man who might have once been his father, but not much. He was small and wrinkled, loose skin barely hanging to fragile bones. Yuu didn’t even know what was killing him, and frankly he didn’t care. If patricide was legal, he might have considered killing him himself instead of letting whatever disease it was do its thing.

He stood in the doorway for a moment too long; his impatient mother pushed past him and approached the bed. He watched as she leaned over, a hand on her husband’s shoulder, talking too quietly for Yuu to hear. Weary, clouded eyes looked his way, and something inside of them lit up. His father didn’t say anything, but just watched as Yuu’s feet took him closer. He stopped a few feet from the bed, his eyes turned down.

“Hi, Dad,” he said, forcing his voice into a lower octave than usual.

A smile spread over the old man’s face, a face that looked much older than Yuu knew it to be. “You came,” he said through cracked lips, his voice barely more than a harsh whisper lost amid the hum of machines around him. A frail and spotted hand reached up, but Yuu didn’t move to meet it. His fingers beckoned. “Come closer,” he said. “I can’t see you right.”

Yuu still didn’t move, he didn’t even look up.

“Julia?”

Yuu’s hands balled into fists at his sides and he squeezed his eyes shut. The name latched onto his skin and sunk its teeth down to his bones; ultimately harmless but somehow still so hurtful. His blood was on the verge of boiling with rage and disappointment, even though it was exactly what he was expecting. He had wanted so badly to be wrong.

“Julia?” his father ventured again.

“I’m Yuu,” he said, still not raising his eyes and trying to keep the tremor out of his voice. “Your _son_.”

His eyes darted to his wife, confused, his mouth moving as he tried to find a question to ask. “Where’s Julia? I thought you said Julia was coming?” he finally asked. “I don’t… I don’t have a son.”

His wife patted his hand reassuringly, then glanced over at Yuu, a pleading look in her eyes.

Yuu returned her gaze, but he wasn’t about to break. He looked at his father, at what remained of him, he looked him square in the face, taking a step closer. “Julia is dead,” he said, disappointed and betrayed by the way his voice cracked.

His father’s thin eyebrows shot up and he looked back to his wife, whose startled eyes were glued to Yuu. She seemed too shocked to scold him.

“But I’m here,” he said. “I’m here. I’m Yuu, and I’m your son.”

The old man shook his head, the movement sending him into a coughing fit. “I don’t have a son,” he wheezed. “I would know!”

Yuu threw his hands up, a groan accompanying his frustration. 

“I think you should go now,” his mother said, doing her best to quell her husband’s episode. She didn’t even look at him.

“I didn’t want to be here in the first place,” Yuu spat, and stormed out.

Hospital staff looked away sharply as erupted out of the room. He didn’t know where he was going, but his feet carried him down the hallway, the same way he had come from. There was a cafeteria that way, he thought. Food sounded good, even hospital food. Maybe some coffee. Anything. Anything to calm the storm swelling in his gut and threatening a hurricane.

But he found himself in the maternity ward.

He stopped at the door to Emily’s room, and before he could think to turn around, she saw him and waved. 

“Yuu!”

He shoved his hands deep into his pocket and walked in, face somber.

“Did you see Dad?” she asked, eyes expectant.

Yuu just nodded.

Her face darkened with a frown. “Not good?”

He shook his head. “It was exactly what I expected.”

She gave her brother a sympathetic smile. “I appreciate you trying,” she said. “Yuu, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s not your fault our parents are collectively the biggest bag of dicks ever,” he said, dropping into the chair next to her bed. He looked around the room. “Where’s Jamie?”

“He got called in to work,” she said, a frown worrying her brow.

“I thought he was off for a while.”

Emily shrugged. “Some emergency, I guess.”

“Gotta keep the animals healthy,” Yuu said with a small smile.

She nodded.

“Hey, Emi?” Yuu questioned, his tone causing his sister to look up with curiously raised eyebrows. “Do you ever get mad at Mom and Dad for, like, not teaching us their culture or whatever?”

“Sometimes, yeah,” she admitted. “I don’t really blame them, though… They’re from a different time.”

Yuu nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Is that why you chose a Japanese name?” Emily asked.

He let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, a little bit,” he said. “It sucks, though, ‘cause now people expect me to know Japanese.”

“I’ve learned a little bit,” she said. “It’s hard. I wish we had learned it growing up. They were really good at hiding our culture from us, though.”

“Is that why you’re giving your kid a Japanese name?”

Emily nodded. “Yeah, especially since he’ll have Jamie’s last name. I want at least part of him to be Japanese, you know?”

Yuu tapped his knuckles to her shoulder in a light punch. “As if your genes weren’t enough.”

She laughed. “I’m also sorta doing it for you.”

That surprised him. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I guess I should say it was sorta inspired by you. I wouldn’t’ve even thought about a Japanese name if you hadn’t picked one first, I guess.”

“Oh,” he said, a blush creeping into his face. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Well, it was.” She grinned. “And one of the names I have picked out matches yours, in a way.” There was a mischievous glint in her eye that made Yuu nervous.

“What exactly does that mean?” he asked.

Her laugh was light as she said, “You’ll just have to wait.” Despite how tired she looked and undoubtedly was, there was a playful sing-songy-ness in her voice, and Yuu couldn’t help but smile.

The smile on Emily’s face quickly shifted as her eyes fell on the doorway, causing Yuu to turn. Their mother was standing there, her face downturned and dark.

“Mom?” Emily asked.

She looked up, her eyes puffy, and forced herself to smile. “He’s gone,” she said, her voice small. “Your father is gone.”

Yuu looked back at his sister, searching for an appropriate expression that he could steal and use to mask his indifference. Emily’s eyes were wide and quickly feeling with tears. Their mother padded over and he stood up, surrendering the chair to her. He moved out of the way, near the wall, watching the scene play out in front of him and distancing himself further.

His mother took Emily’s hands in her own small and wrinkled ones, squeezing them tight as tears leaked down her daughter’s cheek. “It’s okay,” she whispered, voice level despite the dampness of her own face. “He’s free to a better place.”

Emily leaned over until her head was resting on her mother’s shoulder. “Daddy…” It was barely more than an enunciated breath. “He promised he’d wait… He said he’d hold on…” She freed one of her hands from her mother’s and laid it on her own stomach.

Her mother brushed Emily’s hair away from her face with her now-free hand. A soft smile pulled at the corners of her lips, one full of love and sadness and decades of stories and endless hopes for the future.

They barely paid Yuu any mind as they shared the moment. As he twisted his hands together, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe it was his presence that did the old man in in the end. But he didn’t feel guilty. He didn’t feel anything. Without a word, he edged behind the chair, through the doorway, and out into the hallway.

He took a seat in one of the chairs lining the hallway and pulled out his phone.

> Went and talked to my dad

> It was awful

>> You doing okay?

> Hes dead now

He stared at the phone for nearly a full minute before Asahi’s face appeared on the screen with an incoming call. Yuu accepted it. “Asahi?” His voice reflected just how empty and hollow he felt.

Asahi’s voice came through low and rough, but full of kindness. “Yuu,” he said.

That voice caused a warmth to bloom inside of him until a smile spread across his lips. “Hey.”

“How are you doing?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Do you want to talk about it, or…?” He let his questions trail off.

Yuu ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “I dunno,” he admitted quietly. “I don’t really feel anything. I saw him and talked to him just, like, not even an hour ago. I kinda stormed out. Then I was talking with Emi, and Mom came in and told us, and now they’re in there and I’m sitting out in the hallway… I don’t belong here, Asahi,” he said. “I want to go home.”

“I want you home, too,” Asahi said.

“This sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

They were both quiet for a minute before Yuu sighed again. “I think at this point I’m gonna have to stay for the funeral, though… I’m at least gonna stay until Emi has the baby.”

“Okay,” Asahi said. There was a heavy sadness in that one word.

“I’m sorry.” He wasn’t really sure why he was apologizing. The hurt in Asahi’s voice pulled it out of him, even though none of it was his fault.

“It’s okay,” Asahi said. “I know it’s not your fault. I mean, it’s your family.”

Yuu swallowed a lump in his throat that he hadn’t realized was there. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess.” He paused, then added, “You’re my family, too, though.”

He heard the muffled exhale of Asahi’s breath against his phone before he spoke. “I love you,” he said, a smile in his voice.

Noya tugged at a strand of blond hair, twisting it around his finger, and grinned almost sheepishly. “I love you, too.”

“Yuu?” The voice came from the doorway.

Noya looked up sharply at the voice, startled. “I gotta go,” he said quickly into his phone.

“Yuu?” Asahi questioned.

“Bye,” he said, barely waiting for Asahi’s response before hanging up and letting his phone fall away from his ear. His mother’s head was poking out of the room, looking at him with puffy eyes. “Mom?”

She smiled sadly and walked over to him, sitting down in the adjacent chair. “I’m so sorry,” she said, reaching for Yuu’s hands.

He pulled away for a moment, then let her take them.

“Yuu,” she said, letting the name sit on her tongue for a moment as she tasted it like a fine wine. “I still think it’s a silly name, but I suppose I could get used to it.”

“Mom…”

She moved quickly for a woman in her fifties, and pulled Yuu in for a hug. “I’m so sorry,” she said again. “Please stay for the funeral?”

With some hesitation, he wrapped his arms loosely around her, his chin resting on her shoulder. “Okay,” he said.

Their moment was interrupted by a sudden scream from Emily’s room that had them both on their feet in an instant. His mother beat him into the room, but Yuu was close behind. His sister was doubled over on the bed, holding her stomach and moaning.

“It’s coming!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! We've only got one chapter left! o: It's gonna be FUN. Your comments and support are so appreciated. Feel free to drop me a line on tumblr (tiredasahi) if you wanna chat. Thank you!
> 
> Also, if you missed it, there's a NSFW deleted scene posted under my "Seattle Drabbles" fic~


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A birth and a funeral (and a random Komi cameo).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter ended up being longer than intended... I'm just really bad at judging how many words things are gonna take, apparently... So this fic is gonna stretch out for one more additional chapter. I'm really, really sorry to postpone the ending another week... But! I will try to post the last chapter as soon as I'm done with it and not make you guys wait a whole other week!
> 
> Speaking of Fridays, sorry this is, like, the end of Friday (or Saturday for some people)... I was super busy this week and only managed to go to Starbucks once, and that's when I do most of my writing tbh (I have a hard time focusing at home...). 
> 
> In other news, though, I legally changed my name this week, so that was really cool! And I also had orientation for a new job! Also cool!
> 
> Thanks everyone for your patience, and I hope you enjoy this chapter, which is over 5k words! Wow! Thanks for reading!

The baby wasn’t quite coming, not yet. Despite Emily’s discomfort, the doctor assured her that she still had time. Within the hour she was demanding that it come out immediately.

Yuu was sitting by her bed, letting her turn his hand bones to dust, when their mother came back in with a worried expression on her face.

“Jamie still is not answering,” she said, walking around to the other side of the bed and taking Emily’s free hand, an action she quickly regretted.

“Of course not!” Emily said, her voice shrill. “Why would he?”

Her mother patted her hand, hoping to maybe ease the tension and save her own fingers. “He will be here,” she said, gritting her teeth.

Emily’s eyes shifted to Yuu. “I swear to God,” she hissed, “if Jamie doesn’t get here, you’re going into that delivery room with me.”

“Me?” Yuu asked.

“Yes, Yuu. _You_.”

He tried to wriggle his hand away from hers, but her grip was too strong. His eyes fell to the ground and he shook his head faintly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said.

“Yuu,” Emily said, her voice stern but also a bit of a whine. “Please?”

He looked across the bed to his mother, who was watching him silently as she continued to pat Emily’s hand. “Why me?” he asked, looking back at Emily.

“I could really use a man in there,” she said, her eyes glinting.

Warmth flooded his cheeks and he tried not to laugh. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said. “You don’t need anyone. You never have.”

“While I’m flattered—” she said, cut off by another sudden contraction that caused her to squeeze both hands with the force of a gorilla. 

Yuu cursed under his breath and tried not to cry. Their mother muttered something in Japanese and lifted her eyes to the ceiling.

After a minute or so it passed, and her grip loosened slightly. “Yuu, please,” she said again, her voice strained. “Please go with me. It would mean a lot to me.”

Yuu lifted her hand and bumped it against his forehead with a sigh. “Shit, Emi… Why do you always have to play that card?” He laughed softly, and Emily’s grip with both hands loosened enough that her mother could pull her hand away, causing Emily to look over at her.

A small smile was on her face as she said, “Oh, your father would be so proud of you.” Her eyes glistened as a tear escaped from them and she dismissed herself from the room.

Yuu watched her go for a moment before he felt Emily’s eyes on him again, causing him to turn his attention back to her. He smiled. “I guess,” he said. “I still think it’ll be a mistake… But, yeah, you shouldn’t go in alone.”

“Thank you,” she breathed, her grip tightening momentarily in a kind acknowledgement before she let go of him completely. “I’m sorry about your hands.”

He waved it away and cringed slightly as blood pumped back into his fingers. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.” He paused, then said, “Jamie will be here, though, I’m sure.”

Emily frowned and wrung her hands together. “I dunno,” she said. “He rushed outta here pretty quick. He’s probably in surgery. It could last a while. I don’t think they would’ve called him in if it wasn’t important. It could be hours…” She frowned harder.

Yuu offered her a smile that was lost on her downturned eyes. He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, instead. “Just try not to worry too much about it,” he said. “Either way, you won’t be alone.”

She patted his hand gently, giving him a small smile. “Thanks,” she said. “He likes you, by the way.”

“Yeah, he’s alright himself. You did okay without me.”

Emily laughed, then winced, a hand rubbing at her stomach. “Yeah,” she said. “He’s been great.” She moaned and grabbed Yuu’s hand again.

“Another one?” he asked, readying himself for the death grip. “Already?”

She nodded, her eyes watering, her low moan turning into a scream.

Their mother returned with the doctor, who seemed far too cheery. He did a quick check and announced that it was time to transfer her to a delivery room.

She looked at Yuu, a slightly panicked look in her eyes. “You’ll be fine,” he said. “You can do this.” She nodded in response and Yuu gave her a thumbs up.

As the doctor took Emily to prep her for delivery and get a pair of scrubs for Yuu, he pulled his phone out to find frantic texts from Asahi. He supposed that he did end their conversation pretty abruptly and with no explanation, so he wasn’t surprised.

>> Everything okay?

>> Yuu?

>> Text me back soon.

>> Are you okay?

The last one was from twenty minutes ago.

> Sorry!!

> Things got crazy

> Its baby time!!!

>> Oh okay! That’s awesome! Good luck! 

> Thanks emi will appreciate it lol

> Ill fill you in later

> Expect some silence tho

>> Okay. I love you

> I love you too

He put on his scrubs and followed the doctor to the delivery room.

\--

Four and a half hours, a lot of screaming and pushing, and the growing possibility of broken metacarpals later, and that baby was still a long way away from entering the world. Much to Yuu’s relief, though, it was sometime nearing the fifth hour that Jamie showed up.

He rushed into the delivery room in his fresh scrubs, and nearly pushed Yuu out of the way in an attempt to get to his wife’s side. Emily’s grip was so strong on Yuu’s hand, though, that it took some prying to get her to release him, and for a good thirty seconds, Jamie just resigned to hold both Nishinoya siblings’ hands.

“I’m here, baby,” he said. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”

Emily just screamed in his general direction.

Yuu took that as his cue to leave and resigned himself and his aching hands to the hallway.

“Ah!” his mother exclaimed upon seeing him. “Ju—” She stopped herself and pursed her lips. “Yuu,” she said. “How is she?”

Yuu slumped down in a chair and pulled off the paper scrub gown. “She’s screaming a lot,” he said, rubbing his hands. “I think my hand might be broken…” He flexed his fingers.

His mother paced the hallway in front of him. “We can have it x-rayed later,” she said, though her voice was distracted. “It has been too long. This isn’t good.”

“It seemed fine. Just…slow.” Her worrying was wearying, but he supposed it wasn’t completely ill-placed. He was glad that she had Emily to fret over as a distraction for the fact that her husband had just died earlier that day. Yuu sighed and pushed himself to his feet. “I’m gonna head to the cafeteria,” he said. “I shouldn’t be long.”

She glanced up at the door to the delivery room, her small nod the only indication that she heard him, then continued pacing.

As he walked toward the cafeteria, he pulled his phone out and opened his text thread with Ryuu.

> I think emi broke my hand

>> dude r u ok??

> Im just glad that im never gonna have kids

>> shes having the baby then??

> Yea

> Her husband was late so I had to go in there w her

> It was awful

>> hahaha

>> bro no thats awesome

>> fuckin miracle of life

>> hows ur dad?

> He died this morning

>> shit

> Yea its fuckin awesome

> Fuck my hand hurts

>> u doing ok?

> Yea

> I talked to asahi earlier

> That helped even if it was short

>>like u haha

> omg ryuu rly???

>> sry bro u just make it so easy

> Fuck off ryuu

>> sorry

He dropped his phone back in his pocket with a grin, knowing that letting Ryuu think he was mad was the best form of revenge. Not to mention that he had made it to the cafeteria.

He got himself a tray of mediocre hospital food and found an empty table. The tray was heavy in his hands before he put it down, despite what little food it held. He stared at it for a moment while his stomach grumbled at him, but he didn’t really feel like eating. The motions came easily to him, though, lifting the fork to his mouth, chewing slowly. He hardly even tasted it, which was probably a good thing.

Everything hit him rather suddenly and his plastic fork fell to the table with a faint clatter. His head followed suit, but not before he pushed the tray away. His forehead rested on the edge of the table as he stared down at his lap, folding his hands together at the base of his neck.

His father was dead, and it probably wasn’t peaceful. He hadn’t forgiven him, and he knew that the old man didn’t deserve it. But he still felt awful. It was more that he felt like he should feel awful, like his brain was somehow tricking him, because he didn’t _want_ to feel awful, and he didn’t, really, but he felt like he should, so he did.

A chair scraped and he felt the table jiggle slightly as someone sat down across from him. “Your food’s gonna get cold,” a voice said. “And trust me, it’s even worse that way.”

Yuu looked up and was greeted by a friendly smile spread across the face on what he guessed was an intern. He didn’t look much older than Yuu, but he was dressed in scrubs with a name badge pinned to the pocket, but it had gotten flipped around so he couldn’t read it.

“I’m Komi,” he said, offering Yuu his hand.

Yuu shook it. “Noya,” he said. “Can I help you with something?”

Komi leaned back and draped his arms over the back of his chair. “You just looked kinda down.”

Yuu looked around the room and noted that just about everyone there looked “kinda down”, and couldn’t help but wonder what about him made this guy single him out. “Yeah, guess I am,” he said.

“I’ve got, like, twenty minutes to spare. Wanna talk about it?”

“With you?”

He shrugged. “I mean, you can stare at your dick ‘til your food gets cold if you think it’ll help.”

Yuu stared at him for a moment, then laughed. And once he started laughing, he couldn’t stop. Komi watched him patiently, a small grin on his face, until it subsided. He wiped the tears out of his eyes and reached for his juice box. “Fair enough,” he said, sipping. He had really needed that laugh. After taking a deep breath he spoke again. “My dad died this morning and my sister’s currently in labor. It’s been a weird day.”

Komi raised his eyebrows and leaned his elbows on the table. “Sounds like it. Sorry about your dad.”

Yuu waved it away. “Don’t be,” he said. “He was a dick.”

“Hmm, I can relate to that.” He gave Yuu a wry grin. “Congrats to your sister, though.”

“Yeah, that part’s exciting. That’s really the only reason I’m here.”

“Oh?”

“I live in Seattle. My sister kinda threatened to never speak to me again if I didn’t come say goodbye to our dad or whatever…” He sighed. “Now I’m gonna have to go to the funeral.”

“Piss on his grave,” Komi offered.

Yuu laughed again. “It’s tempting.”

“But…?” Komi leaned in closer, his eyebrows dangerously high.

Yuu shrugged and looked down at his food. “I think my best friend would be mad if I did it without him.”

Komi leaned back again and grinned. “Fair enough.”

“So is this, like, a regular lunch break activity for you?” Yuu asked.

“Pretty much.”

He shoveled some bland mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Why?” he asked after swallowing.

Komi shrugged, his arms crossed over his chest, his leg bouncing under the table. “This is just a really shitty place, and the food makes it even worse. It feels good to cheer people up, I guess.”

“Got it,” Yuu said, taking another bite. “And thanks.”

“My pleasure,” he said. “Anything else on your mind?”

It was Yuu’s turn to shrug. “I dunno. I mean, I really just wanna go home.” He hesitated, reminding himself where he was, then said, “I miss my boyfriend.” He sighed.

“’Boyfriend’?” Komi asked, and Yuu instantly regretted saying anything.

“Yeah.” He looked up, a challenging glare in his eyes.

“What’s he like?” Komi asked innocently.

Yuu’s gaze softened, surprised. “Oh,” he said. “He, uhm… He’s great.” He felt his cheeks beginning to warm. “He works in this used bookstore. He’s a huge guy, kinda scary, but super sweet.”

“Yeah?” Komi seemed legitimately interested. “How long have you guys been together?”

A small smile tugged at Yuu’s lips as he twirled the plastic fork in what remained of his potatoes. “Since October,” he said with a contented sigh. “It’s basically been the best months of my life. He’s awesome.”

Komi was smiling when Yuu looked up at him again. “Why didn’t he come with you?” he asked.

“Oh, it was kinda sudden… I don’t think he would’ve been able to get off work, and I dunno if he’d’ve been able to afford it. I mean, I couldn’t afford it, but my mom paid for my plane ticket. She knew I wouldn’t’ve come otherwise, I think.”

Komi nodded in understanding.

“But he probably would’ve found a way to come if I had asked him.”

“You didn’t even ask him to come?” Komi sounded surprised, almost even a little offended.

Yuu chewed his lip. “No,” he admitted, scooping up some green beans.

“Why not?”

He shrugged, the green beans cold in his mouth, but he swallowed them anyway. “I needed to do this alone, I guess. At least, I thought I did. And now I’m sorta regretting it…”

“I know it’s not the same, but I’m here for you, Noya,” Komi said with a sympathetic smile.

Yuu tilted his head slightly, one corner of his mouth upturned. “It actually does help,” he said. “Thanks.”

Komi reached into the pocket of his scrubs and pulled out a scrap of paper. He jotted something down and slid it across the table to Yuu. Placing both hands on the table, he pushed himself to his feet. “If you ever need to chat or anything while you’re away from home, there’s my number,” he said. With a shrug, he added, “Or just throw it away.”

Yuu looked down at the digits before pocketing them. “Thanks again,” he said. “I might take you up on that.”

“I’ve gotta get back to work now,” he said. “See you around!” He waved and headed off, giving Yuu a pat on the shoulder as he passed.

The interaction with a stranger somehow made him feel a lot better, at least as a distraction, anyway. He finished his food and disposed of his tray, then headed back toward the maternity ward.

\--

After sitting around for a few hours, Yuu fell asleep. When he was rudely awoken by someone shaking him, he hardly knew where he was, let alone what time it was. His hands were numb from the position he had been in and he tried to shake some life back into them.

“He’s here!” his mother said, irritatingly close to his face. “Wake up, wake up!”

He let the small woman pull him to his feet. “What time is it?” he asked.

“Nearly three.”

“In the morning?” He fought off a yawn as she dragged him down the hallway.

She nodded in affirmation. “Of course in the morning,” she said, pushing the door open and letting Yuu inside. “Now go say hello to my grandson.”

Emily was propped up in the bed, her damp hair plastered to her red face. Jamie stood on the opposite side of the bed, one hand on Emily’s shoulder, a finger from the other held firmly in place by the baby’s grasp. Despite her tired eyes, Emily’s face was glowing with happiness, Jamie’s just as bright. 

Yuu stepped up opposite of Jamie, gazing down at the tiny baby in his sister’s arms. It was kind of gross, but he wasn’t about to tell Emily that. He smiled instead. “Hey, little guy,” he said. 

“His name’s Asahi,” Emily said.

Yuu felt his heart stop for a moment. Certainly he misheard. “What?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“Asahi,” she said again. “It means—”

“’Morning sun’,” Yuu said, cutting her off.

She gave him a confused smile. “Yeah,” she said. “How’d you know?”

“I, uhm…” He let out a nervous laugh. “It, uh, I guess it does sorta match my name.” He forced himself to smile. This was going to make things very, very weird, and thinking about it made his insides flip. 

Emily nodded her head wearily, the smile still broad across her face. “Do you like it?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Yuu said, trying to remind himself how to breathe. “It’s a great name.”

“I think it is beautiful,” their mother said.

Emily beamed at the approval.

Yuu tapped the baby’s fuzzy head gently. After a moment of looking at the thing, the weird little alien that apparently shared a name with his boyfriend, he said, “Excuse me,” and left the room.

As soon as he was in the hallway, he pulled his phone out. He wasn’t even thinking about what time it was as he pulled up Asahi’s contact and hit Call.

It rang twice before Asahi picked up. “Yuu?” he sounded worried, per usual, but also a little tired. Yuu realized then that he had probably been sleeping, but since he was up now, he might as well talk. “Is everything okay?”

“Asahi,” Yuu said.

“Yes?”

“The baby’s name is Asahi.”

“What?”

“She named the fucking baby Asahi. What the hell. What the fucking hell.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes! Oh my god.” He slumped down into a chair and ran a hand over his face. “Is this real life?” he asked. “Am I dreaming?”

“I think this is real life,” Asahi confirmed. “Though I could just be your subconscious telling you that.”

“Shit,” Yuu breathed.

“Pretty sure this is real though.” He paused, then said, quietly, “What the fuck?”

“She just came to it on her own! Like, what even? I just…”

“What the fuck?” Asahi said again, and Yuu was still too stunned by the situation to comment on his choice of words.

“Seriously!” He stood up again and began pacing up and down the hallway. “I haven’t even mentioned you. How am I supposed to bring you up now? I can’t just be like, ‘Oh, this is my boyfriend, Asahi. Yup, same as this baby. Strange, huh?’”

“Why not?” Asahi asked. “I mean, yeah it’s super weird, but, like… That’s the truth.”

“Man, this is weird.”

“Very,” Asahi agreed.

“Oh my god, Ryuu’s gonna fucking die when I tell him.”

Asahi laughed, and the sound calmed Yuu down enough that he returned to the chair. “I can imagine…”

Yuu sighed. “I woke you up, didn’t I?” he asked.

“Yes,” Asahi answered. “But for this, I think it was warranted.”

“Good, I guess. And sorry.”

“It’s okay. Hearing your voice is worth it.”

Yuu blushed and ducked his head, despite the fact that there was no one around for him to be hiding from. “You’re the worst,” he said, smiling.

“I love you, too,” Asahi said.

“I’ll let you get back to sleep,” he said. “Sorry for waking you.” He sighed. “God, life is fucking crazy.”

“That it is,” Asahi agreed. “I love you, Yuu.”

“I love you, too, Asahi,” Yuu said. “Asahi… Fuck that baby…”

“How about don’t do that.”

“Ugh,” was all Yuu had to say to that. “Good night, Asahi.”

“Good night. Get some rest.”

“Will do, maybe.”

“Bye.” His voice was playfully firm, a joking warning that still carried some weight.

“Bye.”

\--

The next day, focus shifted quickly from the baby to funeral preparations. Yuu’s mother seemed to want to get it over with quickly so that the process wouldn’t taint the memory of baby Asahi’s birth. The funeral was scheduled to be two days away. Yuu didn’t really want anything to do with the preparations, so he avoided his mother as best he could, and spent most of the day at his sister’s bedside.

“Emi, I need to tell you something,” he said. Jamie had just left them alone for the first time in hours, and Yuu felt like it was time to bring it up.

She held the tiny baby to her breast and looked over at her brother. She had gotten cleaned up since labor, but she still looked exhausted. “What is it?” she asked, concerned.

“This is…gonna be really weird,” he said, his back stiff. “First off, though, I need to tell you that I have a boyfriend.”

A smile spread across her face. “Why didn’t you say so earlier?” she asked. “I’m really happy for you, Yuu!”

“Thanks. That’s not all, though,” he said, looking down at his hands folded in his lap. “This is the weird part…” Emily looked at him expectantly, but didn’t say anything. “Uh… His name is also Asahi.”

He looked up in time to see Emily blink at him before looking down at her son. She looked back up and asked, “Seriously?”

Yuu nodded, swallowing a small lump in his throat. “Yeah,” he said, his voice dry.

The tiny baby made tiny baby noises as the siblings were silent. Emily looked at the baby. Yuu looked at the baby. “Well,” she said after a few minutes. “I guess we’ve both got important Asahis in our lives now.”

“I’ve got two,” Yuu said, petting the baby’s soft head.

\--

The funeral day came far too quickly for Yuu’s liking. He found himself back in the church he had grown up in; a place he had frankly never intended to set foot in again. Emily had been released from the hospital with the wee baby Asahi the evening before, but she and Jamie decided a funeral was no place for a newborn, and left him with Jamie’s mother. The three arrived together.

The church was already filling quickly, and most of the faces were unfortunately familiar. Yuu tried not to look at anyone as they all joined his mother in the front pew. His suit, his first and only suit that he liked so much, was officially ruined by the occasion, but he looked damn fine in it. He had taken the time to run a comb through his hair, too, so it wasn’t too much of a disaster.

The weariness of his sister’s face went well with her mourning blacks, a simple straight-cut, sleeveless dress. Jamie opted simply for a black turtle-neck and a blazer, and while his expression was impassive, it was appropriate. Despite the scene surrounding them, the couple still somehow maintained their new-parent glow. The fact that the dismal day surrounding his asshole father wasn’t completely dark brought Yuu a bit of spite-fueled joy.

Yuu honestly didn’t pay much attention during the service. He was sure it was lovely. The whole thing was just an inconvenience for him, and that pissed him off. He admittedly spent most of the time trying to stop himself from crying with rage for fear that people mistake his tears for sad ones; he didn’t want to give them that satisfaction. He wasn’t at all sad, just very, very angry. That anger toward his father was something that would probably follow him to his own grave, though he did hope that it would dissipate with time. 

Time. And maybe a few drinks.

As he daydreamed about day drinking, he missed the initial invitation for the family to come up to begin the viewing. It was the part he was looking forward to the least on his list of things he did not want to do, but after a nudge from Emily, he obeyed and followed their mother up to the opened coffin.

Somehow, his father looked infinitely better than he had when Yuu saw him in the hospital. He had no idea what the job actually was, but he gave a mental nod to whoever had made that happen. Not that it was good to see his father looking more alive than he had been when he was actually alive. He was just genuinely impressed.

He put on a blank expression and tried to clear his mind as the line of visitors descended upon him and his family. They were all very polite in their condolences, though many of them hesitated before offering them to Yuu, leaving him acutely aware of every unnecessary millisecond that passed. His presence confused them and their confusion just fueled his rage. He had mentally looked away for only a moment, leaving his thoughts unchecked, then there was a stinging in his eyes and a warm, damp trail down his cheek. The pity that replaced the viewers’ confusion upon seeing his tears didn’t help at all, and he bit his lip until he tasted blood; at least that was something for him to focus on as the people filed past, shaking his hand and muttering words of sympathy.

As the line was reaching its end, Yuu saw people back in their seats flipping through the program that the funeral home had provided for the service. He had pointedly not looked at it earlier, but as people glanced his way, hid their whispers behind the papers, and avoided his gaze, he could only imagine the train wreck hidden within its pages. He clenched his fists and tried not to think about it.

The last of the viewers took their seats and the pallbearers approached. Yuu hadn’t even thought about the pallbearers. He should have been a pallbearer. Men close to the deceased were always pallbearers, and Yuu recognized many of the men as distant relatives and coworkers. But as his son, Yuu should have been there. The fact that he wasn’t was simultaneously infuriating and also quite a relief; it might have even trumped his current state of shittiness, if he were being honest.

He shot his mother a glance that he was hesitant to make into a glare, but it wouldn’t have mattered because he doubted she could see much of anything through her flooded eyes.

Though she saw at least well enough to follow the coffin, Emily trailing closely behind her so as not to lose her way in her own tear-blinded state, and Yuu bringing up the rear of the procession. As they neared the door, Jamie rose and led everyone else from the pews to file out of the church.

Yuu grabbed a program off the table next to the door, stuffing it into his pants pocket before exiting.

Outside, the pallbearers slid the coffin into the back of the awaiting hearse. Even though the cemetery was _right there_ , the plot was near the back and it would have just been unfair to make those kind young men who weren’t Yuu carry it all that way.

Only the really close friends and family were invited to the burial; everyone else gave their final condolences and left.

Yuu joined Emily and their mother in a cushy car provided by the funeral home, leaving those remaining to follow behind on foot. It wasn’t really that far, but the car was more ceremonial than anything. The driver shifted it into gear and followed the hearse. 

The burial was nothing special. Yuu spent the entire time staring down at his lap, his hands shoved in his pockets and one of them clamped around the program that he hadn’t found an appropriate moment to read. His face was turned in the direction of the coffin as it was lowered into the ground, but his eyes remained unfocused, his attention internalized.

When it was all over, he walked by himself back toward the church’s parking lot. Jamie remained with Emily and their mother, giving Yuu a sympathetic glance as he left.

Back at the building, Yuu found himself a nice tree to lean against. He let out a breath that he might have been holding for hours with the way his lungs were thanking him. The program was still in his pocket and his pulled it out.

There was picture of his father, one from when he still looked like a living person; his birthday and the day he died; “In Loving Memory”. The inside was sparse, it thanked people for coming and where to direct donations for colon cancer—so that was what did him in. There was a small blurb on the inside panel, though, and that caught his eye. He didn’t have to scan it long before his stomach dropped.

An exasperated groan escaped his lips as he scanned the paragraph over and over, infuriated by the words but unable to look away from them. “…is survived by his wife, […], and their two daughters, Emily and Julia…” After every letter was properly seared into his retinas, he crumped the program and threw it on the ground. He stomped on it. Then he stomped on it again. It felt so good that he just kept stomping, a low growl forming in his throat that escalated into a yell. After that went on for a while, people began to stare, but he didn’t care; he was at his father’s funeral, he was allowed to be upset.

Jamie made it to him before it turned into some sort of full-blown tantrum, the program muddied and grass-stained and ripped up pretty badly. Yuu could only assume that Emily had sent him over because she didn’t want to deal with his outburst herself, and he really couldn’t blame her. Jamie’s hands on his shoulders were comforting; they weren’t quite familiar, but they were strong and kind, and he let the pressure of them bring him back to Earth. 

It wasn’t until his voice had finally quieted that Yuu realized how wet his face was, though the tears practically evaporated as the heat of embarrassment rushed over him. Jamie was silent as Yuu collected himself and wiped his nose on his suit sleeve. “Sorry,” Yuu muttered.

“Do you feel better?” Jamie asked.

Yuu shrugged. “A little, I guess,” he said.

“Good.” He put an arm over Yuu’s shoulders and turned him toward the parking lot, where his mother and sister were waiting in the backseat of his car. “Let’s go home.”

Yuu slid into the passenger’s seat without a word, respecting the moment that his mother and sister were sharing behind him. When Jamie started the car, he turned the radio off, and they drove in complete silence. Yuu had to do everything he could to keep himself from screaming again. He pulled out his phone.

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> bro

>> r u ok?

> No

>> im coming

> Ryuu no

>> ryuu yes

>> ive had my parents on standby all week

>> theyre gonna take me to the airport

>> im gonna get the 1st flight to atl

> RYUU NO

>> RYUU FUCKIN YES BRO

>> im coming and you cant stop me

> Fine

>> hang tight buddy

> Ill just be here

> Screaming

>> good on u

Yuu sighed and dropped his phone onto his lap, eyes wandering to the window.

They stopped by his mother’s house first to drop her off, and Emily decided to stay. Yuu didn’t even get out of the car. Instead, he just stared at his childhood home as the two women slowly got out of the backseat. They moved as if they were overly burdened, large weights pulling down on them as they struggled to their feet. Yuu watched them make their way inside, expressionless, and Jamie pulled out of the driveway and headed for home.

As they drove without speaking, Jamie at least had the courtesy to turn the radio back on, and that was noise enough to distract Yuu from his thoughts. They arrived home and Yuu went straight upstairs, not even bothering to say hi to the baby. He heard Jamie talking to his mother as he closed the door to the guest bedroom and threw himself face-down onto the bed.

He stayed there for a really long time, hours even. Over the course of that time, he tried to clear his mind, but ended up screaming into the comforter. He screamed, he cried, he laid there in silence; his whole body ached and he couldn’t get himself to move. 

After a while, there was a soft knock on the door. He was thankful that he was in one of the quieter moments and he rolled himself over.

“Yuu?” Jamie asked quietly from the other side.

“Yeah?” he said, his voice raspy from all the yelling and crying he had just done. The bed didn’t deserve all that.

“You want to eat something? Mom’s making some dinner.”

Yuu glanced at the clock, not realizing that it was apparently dinnertime. “Yeah, sure,” he said, though he didn’t feel hungry.

“Alright,” Jamie said. “It’ll be ready in, like, ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

His body was stiff and his movements slow as he got up and got changed. The suit lay crumpled on the floor, Yuu having every intention to burn it later, and he went downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to note that I have never witnessed a birth (all my knowledge is probably from Gray's Anatomy tbh) and I haven't been to a funeral in nearly ten years, so please excuse anything that seems not right about those, and corrections are appreciated (tho at this point I probably won't do anything about it but file that info away for later).
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Look forward to what will hopefully actually be the last chapter in the next week!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuu comes to Atlanta to comfort Yuu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this finished sooner, but I admittedly spent, like, two straight days watching Netflix instead of writing, so I'm not sorry. Please enjoy this final chapter (finally)!

Yuu didn’t hear anything else from Ryuu until he got the text saying that he had landed in Atlanta at nearly one o’clock in the morning. He needed Emily’s address so he could get a cab, and Yuu provided it.

What the hell was Ryuu planning on doing now that he was in Atlanta? Yuu could only imagine… He supposed he could sleep on the floor, Emily and Jamie wouldn’t mind too much. They might not even know he was there, actually. But either way, it would be fine.

He changed out of his pajamas into some regular clothes, and slipped quietly downstairs, stepping over the suit that still remained neglected on the floor.

The night outside was clear and cool, but his jeans and t-shirt were enough as he sat himself down on the front porch and looked up. There were constellations that he wasn’t familiar with and it made him feel uneasy, almost as if that moment wasn’t real, like he was dreaming. He poked at his arms, trying to zero in on the sensation and prove to himself that he was actually awake. Satisfied, he looked back at the stars.

It was quiet on the suburban street, quiet and dim; the only light coming from the lamp at the corner a few houses down. Headlights from a taxi illuminated the street and the car came to a stop at the curb. The overhead light inside it came on and lit up the driver and his passenger in the backseat. Ryuu paid the man and got out, and Yuu got up to greet him.

All he carried was a duffle bag, which he dropped to the ground as Yuu wrapped his arms around his torso and pressed his forehead into his shoulder. Ryuu held him securely, one arm around his back and the other on the back of his head. He was so sturdy and uncharacteristically quiet. 

It was an embrace that Yuu knew well. Those were the arms he had always felt safe in, even in the worst of times. Those were the arms that held him when his parents pushed him away, when every single person he’d wanted to be intimate with had rejected him, when he felt so alone in the world that he didn’t think anyone would miss him if he was gone. 

Those arms finally made everything seem real, and every emotion that he had ignored or pushed away over the past week exploded to the surface. He thought he had gotten it all out earlier, but with Ryuu there, and with the safety he felt, the tears began again. His fingers curled into the fabric of Ryuu’s jacket as his shoulder became the dumping ground for tears and snot and spit. And Ryuu just stood there, silent, letting it happen. Gasping breath after gasping breath, his nose too stuffed to be useful, Yuu let all of it out. He didn’t care that he was one the verge of wailing, his mouth unable to close. He let Ryuu see just how badly he was hurting. 

And then he was empty.

Everything was gone from him, but he was too stiff to move. His body trembled as he tried to pull himself back together, to feel something. He focused on the pressure of Ryuu’s hands and let himself fill with the warmth his friend provided. His fingers had been clenched so hard that he thought he might need a crowbar to detach himself.

With a sniff and a lot of willpower, he finally released his friend’s shirt and stepped away.

Ryuu grinned at him. “You owe me a shirt, you dick,” he said.

Yuu laughed, his nose stuffed. “I think I owe you a whole lot more than that,” he said.

Ryuu playfully punched his shoulder. “You don’t owe be shit, bro.” He paused, watching him, then asked, “You good?” The small nod Yuu gave must have been enough. He picked up his duffel bag and headed toward the house, Yuu stepping ahead to open the door.

“Be quiet so you don’t wake the baby,” Yuu warned as they stepped inside.

To their surprise, the baby was already awake. Jamie started when the door opened, standing next to the sofa in the living room with little Asahi in his arms. “Oh, Yuu,” he said with a sigh. “I thought I had heard you up.” He smiled.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Yuu asked, closing the door behind Ryuu.

The new father shook his head. “Nah, this little guy did.”

“This is Ryuu,” Yuu said, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at his friend. “I live with him in Seattle. He came for, uh, moral support, I guess.” He paused, then quickly added, “I’m sorry, I should have asked.”

Jamie smiled and repositioned the baby in his arms as he approached them and offered Ryuu his hand. “Not a problem at all!” he said. “I’m Jamie, Yuu’s brother-in-law.”

Ryuu shook his hand. “Great to meet ya,” he said with a light laugh. “Sorry for intruding on your happy new family time.” Ryuu’s face lit up with a grin as he offered the baby his finger. “Hey, little guy.”

“This little guy is Asahi,” Jamie said before Yuu could think to stop him; he hadn’t broken that news to Ryuu yet, and apparently Emily hadn’t told Jamie about the strange situation surrounding their son’s name, either.

Ryuu nearly choked and jerked his finger away so suddenly that Asahi began to cry. “A-asahi?” he asked. Yuu could see the shimmer of mirthful tears forming in his eyes.

Jamie’s brow furrowed and he shot Yuu a glance, bouncing the baby in an attempt to calm him. “Yeah…?”

Yuu jabbed his friend in the ribs, somehow subtly enough that Jamie didn’t seem to notice.

Ryuu grinned and contained himself, saying, “It’s a great name.” He shot Yuu a look and Yuu knew instantly that he would have some explaining to do later. Ryuu turned his smile back to Jamie. “Congrats,” he said, giving the baby his finger again. “He seems awesome.”

Jamie nodded and beamed. “Thanks!”

Before the conversation could get any further, Yuu grabbed the strap of Ryuu’s duffel and dragged him toward the stairs. “We’re just gonna drop Ryuu’s bag and go for a walk,” he said. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Jamie said. “It’s hard to say if I’ll still be up or not, so you can go ahead and take my keys.”

“Thanks,” Yuu said, and herded Ryuu up the stairs.

They got to the guest bedroom and Yuu closed the door. Ryuu was still keeping his laughter contained, but he was shaking with the effort.

“Is that for real?” he asked, dropping his duffel and falling onto the bed. He grabbed Yuu’s pillow and stuffed his face into it to muffle the laughter that he could no longer contain.

“Yes,” Yuu said with a sigh, sitting on the bed next to him.

“Do they know?” he asked, peeking out from the pillow. “Does Asahi know?”

“Emi knows, but I don’t think she told Jamie… And yeah, Asahi knows…”

“How can he know?” Ryuu asked. “He’s a baby!” He shoved his face back into the pillow before his laughter erupted out once again.

Yuu groaned and head butted his friend’s shoulder. He was so tired, but his friend’s jokes were much appreciated.

“I’m sorry,” Ryuu said, lifting his head from the pillow again and wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come all the way down here to make jokes.” He smiled and put an arm over Yuu’s shoulder. “But that was the kind of groan I can appreciate right now.” He gave his friend a gentle shake. “How ya doing, buddy?”

Yuu leaned into his friend and sighed. He was quiet for a moment, just enjoying the contact and the support. Ryuu respected his silence. After a minute Yuu shrugged off his friend’s arm and stood up. “Let’s walk,” he said. “I need some air.”

Ryuu nodded and followed behind as he exited the room and went back downstairs.

Jamie had moved into the kitchen but had left his keys on the table by the front door. Yuu grabbed them and went outside, Ryuu behind him, and locked up. 

With his hands shoved deep in his pockets, Yuu walked down the front path to the sidewalk, Ryuu walking alongside him. He inhaled deeply and held it until his lungs screamed and he let it go. Then he spoke. “I don’t even know anymore,” he said. “I think right now I’m so mad at my mom but also frustrated that I shouldn’t be mad at her ‘cause, y’know, her husband just died. And then I’m still mad at him, but I can’t even really be mad at him ‘cause he’s dead and all. Like, I thought my mom was getting better, and maybe she is, I dunno, but, like, the program at Dad’s funeral was just…” He made a noise of frustration and pulled his hands out of his pocket, balling them into fists.

A piece of paper fell out and Ryuu stopped to pick it up. Without a word, he handed it back to Yuu.

Yuu looked at the numbers scrawled on the paper for a moment as he tried to recall what they were. Then the exchange in the hospital cafeteria a few days earlier came back to him. “Huh,” he said, still looking at the paper.

“What is it?” Ryuu asked.

Yuu didn’t answer, but instead pulled out his phone. He entered the digits into a new text thread.

> Hey Komi its Noya from the hospital the other day. I know it’s the middle of the night but r u up?

“Noya, bro, what’s up?”

>> Actually just got home from work! Didn’t think id hear from u tbh

>> Sup?

> I need a ride somewhere

> Think u could help me out?

>> lol sure thing!

Yuu sent him the address and turned his attention back to Ryuu. “I hope you have a full bladder,” he said.

A mischievous glint sparked in Ryuu’s eye as he grinned down at his best friend.

When a car pulled up twenty minutes later, Yuu was laying in the grass with Ryuu sitting next to him, arms wrapped around his knees while Yuu stared up at the stars. The driver-side door opened and a head popped out.

“Oi, ride’s here!” Komi called over the roof of his sporty little coup.

Ryuu was on his feet first and offered Yuu a hand. With both of them up, they approached the car together.

“Noya,” Komi said with a grin. “How ya doing?”

Noya returned the smile. “Been better. Going to be better, for sure,” he said. “Komi, this is my best bro, Ryuu.” Yuu had filled Ryuu in on his cafeteria encounter while the waited.

Ryuu nodded in acknowledgement. “Thanks for taking care of my bro,” he said as Yuu opened the car door. He popped the seat forward and let Ryuu climb into the back seat, then got in himself.

“Yeah, no prob,” Komi said as he resituated himself in the driver’s seat and closed his door. He turned to Yuu. “You look like shit,” he said, and without waiting for a reply, he asked, “Where to?”

Yuu gave the name of the church and told Komi the easiest way to get there.

Ryuu leaned forward between the front seats. “Can we stop at a store first?” he asked, shooting his friend a grin. “I’m a little thirsty.”

“Yeah, there should be somewhere still open,” Komi mused. “There’s always somewhere.”

They stopped at a 24-hour convenience store and Ryuu picked up a six-pack of cheap beer. They got back in the car and he cracked one open and passed it to Yuu. “You’ve earned this, bro,” he said and opened another one for himself. “Sorry, Komi,” he added as he took a sip.

“No worries,” Komi said as he shifted the car out of park. The church was only a few more blocks away.

Ryuu was halfway through his second beer when they pulled into the parking lot. “Gotta fill the tank,” he said, tipping the can bottom-up and downing the rest of it.

Yuu got out of the car and finished his own beer. Ryuu followed him, and remaining three cans in his hand. “You’re welcome to join us,” Yuu said, poking his head back into the car. 

“Nah, I’ll stay here as look-out,” he said. “I’ll flash my lights if I think you should come back.” The car was off, but he flashed the lights to demonstrate.

“You’re a good guy, Komi,” Yuu said, and closed the door.

The two approached the gates to the cemetery, which were closed for the night. Signs on the fence warned against after-dark trespassing, but they ignored it. “I’ll hoist you over, hand ya the beer, and climb over myself,” Ryuu said, putting the beer on the ground.

“Yeah, sounds good to me, bro,” Yuu said, grasping the gate and looking up. It wasn’t too high, and he probably could have gotten himself over without any help, but his body was pretty tired and weak so he wasn’t about to turn down the help. Ryuu knelt down next to him with his fingers laced together as a foothold and Yuu stepped into them. Ryuu stood up, listing Yuu with him. Hooking his other foot onto the gate’s hinge, Yuu pulled himself up the rest of the way, grunting slightly, and threw a leg over the top. He jumped down to the other side and Ryuu passed the beer through the bars. He then made the climb look super easy and joined Yuu inside the cemetery in a matter of seconds. “You’re a fucking feline,” Yuu commented. 

Ryuu just grinned in response and grabbed the beers. He opened another one and drank about half of it in one go. 

Yuu took another one from him and led to way to the back of the cemetery where the fresh grave of his father was waiting. They walked in silence, the only sounds being their footsteps and the pop and fizz as Yuu opened his beer. The grounds were dark, the moon too thin to light the way. Yuu pulled out his phone and used its flashlight to guide them.

He stopped at the foot of the freshly-laid soil, his phone illuminating the dark patch. His eyes fell on the headstone at its top, lingering on the words “Loving Husband and Father”. He scoffed and finished his beer.

“What a lie,” he spat, crumpling the empty can.

Ryuu hummed in response and crouched down next to the grave. “Good riddance,” he said, taking a sip.

Yuu grabbed the last beer from Ryuu and circled around the dirt to plop himself down on the headstone. As he stared at the ground, he could feel Ryuu’s eyes on him. He opened the beer with a sigh and said, “I don’t know what to do now.”

Ryuu raised his can. “Well, lemme finish this off and we can do some watering.” He grinned. “And after that?” He shrugged. “We can always get some more beer.”

Yuu was already feeling buzzed, having consumed two cans in maybe ten minutes, but getting completely wasted was sounding pretty nice. “Ryuu,” Yuu said, his voice serious.

Ryuu lowered his beer with a raised eyebrow and a, “Hmm?”

A sigh escaped him and he pressed the heel of his hand into his eye. “Fuck,” he said. “Just…fuck.”

His friend gave him a sympathetic smile. “Yeah,” he said.

They stayed by the grave for quite some time. Their conversation was sparse and consisted mostly of Yuu swearing at varying volumes. After a while, the beers long gone, Ryuu stood up from where he was leaning on the headstone. “It’s time,” he said, grinning. A moment later, his pants were unzipped and he was relieving himself on the fresh soil.

“Perfect,” Yuu said, smiling. He stood up and grabbed the empty cans. “We should get going. Hopefully Komi hasn’t abandoned us.”

They walked slowly back toward the parking lot, returning to their silence. They got to the gate and hopped back over it the same way they had before, minus the beer. Yuu was relieved to see Komi’s car still parked where they had left him. When he opened the door it looked like Komi had fallen asleep and was just waking up. He grinned dopily at them.

“Feel better?” he asked, raising his seat out of the reclined position.

“Yeah,” Yuu said. “Some lookout you were.”

Komi shrugged as they climbed back into the car. “Well, you guys made it back, so I guess we’re all good.”

On the way back to Emily’s house, they stopped at the 24-hour mart for more beer. Ryuu gave Komi a six pack as thanks and saved the second one for when they got home.

Yuu was in a bit of a haze when the car pulled up on the curb. “Text me if you ever need anything,” Komi said before Yuu closed the door.

He reached in and shook Komi’s hand. “Yeah. Thanks again, man,” he said.

With a tired grin, Komi gave him a small salute. “I hope things look up for ya.”

Yuu thanked him again and Ryuu gave him a small nod as well before closing the door. They walked up the driveway together and Ryuu bumped carelessly against his friend’s shoulder. “How you feeling?” Ryuu asked when Yuu looked up at him.

He was admittedly tired, but he was too restless to go to bed. “There’s one more thing we gotta do tonight,” he said, stepping onto the porch. “Meet me out back.”

Ryuu nodded and circled around the side of the house, taking the beer with him.

Yuu fished Jamie’s keys out of his pocket and let himself inside. The house was quiet, so he tiptoed up the stairs, made a pit stop in the bathroom, and then quietly opened the door into the guest bedroom. His suit was crumpled on the floor where he had left it, and he scooped it all up into his arms; shirt, jacket, tie, pants, all of it. It needed to go. He made his way back downstairs with the bundle and dropped it on the island counter in the kitchen. It took him a minute or so to find what he was looking for, but after rummaging through a few drawers and cabinets he came away with grill lighter. Perfect.

With that, he grabbed the suit and went out the back door.

Ryuu was reclining on the back deck with a beer when he emerged. He raised an eyebrow as Yuu dropped the pile of clothes next to him. “Is that your nice suit?” he asked.

“It’s not nice anymore,” he said. “It’s gotta go.”

He bent down and ran the rough fabric through his fingers with a frown. “Bummer,” he said. “I remember when we got you that suit. It looked good on you, Yuu.”

“There will be other suits,” Yuu said. “Plus, it’s not like I wore it very much, I suppose…”

“It’s got so many suit miles left!” Ryuu complained.

Yuu tugged the clothing out of his friend’s grasp and shook his head. “Nope. They all expired. Wearing a suit to your asshole dad’s funeral is an instant K.O. for it. Didn’t you read the suit-owner’s handbook?” He paused and furrowed his brow. “It is a shame, though. It was a good suit.”

Ryuu patted him on the back and handed him a beer. “Damn fine,” he said.

Yuu took the beer and opened it, taking a sip before walking over and setting it on the deck railing. The grill was covered, looking like it hadn’t been used since last season. Yuu pulled the cover off and set it aside. Jamie didn’t seem much like the barbequing type, and Yuu was thankful; the grill looked simple enough, standard propane. He had seen them used a hundred times. It would burn the suit nicely.

“Bring me the pants,” he said, opening the grill. He leaned down and turned on the propane valve with a hiss. Ryuu joined him, holding the requested garments. “I hope this doesn’t explode,” Yuu murmured as he lowered the lighter and clicked it on.

Smalls flames spread across the bottom cavity of the grill, and before long, the cool air around it was filled with warmth. Yuu smiled, satisfied with his natural grill-lighting abilities, and took the pants from his friend.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Ryuu asked before he laid the pants on the grate.

Yuu nodded and put them down. The synthetic fabrics seemed to melt a little at first before catching fire and burning bright and hot. The two of them had to step back to avoid the uncomfortable heat and the god awful smell. The dark smoke that rose from it was probably in some way toxic, something Yuu hadn’t considered, but there was no turning back now. They were far enough away that the night air was cool in their nostrils as the smoke rose toward the glittering stars.

When the pants were nearly burned away entirely, Yuu went over to the pile and retrieved the shirt. The shirt was just an average dress shirt, and he couldn’t even remember when or where he had gotten it. But it still had to go. He tossed it onto the grill and it burned a little cleaner and much quicker than the pants. 

The tie was next, 100% silk and one of the first ties he had ever bought. He ran its length through his fingers with a sigh. He might actually be able to forgive the tie, save it from the flames, and Ryuu must have seen the hesitation in the eye.

“Save the tie,” he said. “Shove in the back of your closet and forget about it for a little bit.” He paused, watching Yuu. “You love that tie.”

“It’s gotta go,” Yuu said, and dropped it on the flames, shaking his head sadly. As it burned, he reached for beer, taking a few swigs before setting it back down. The jacket was next.

He picked it up off the ground and slid it on with a sigh. “Damn,” he said, quiet, frowning. “I should have just stayed home. Saved myself a suit…”

Ryuu walked over to him, finishing his beer and dropping the can. He put an arm around Yuu’s shoulder. “We’ll get you a new one,” he said.

He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into Ryuu’s chest. “Ryuu,” he said, fingers fiddling with the buttons.

“Hmm?”

Yuu sighed. “I shoulda listened to you.”

“You did what you had to, man.”

“That’s what I thought, but…” He chewed on his lip for a moment, running his fingertips over the fabric of his lapels. After a moment, he shook his head. “Well, it’s done. And things are gonna look up, right?” He turned his eyes toward his friend.

Ryuu grinned down at him and nodded. “Yeah!” he said. “Think of it this way: you did it for baby Asahi!” He couldn’t help but laugh and shook his head gently. “I still can’t fucking believe it.”

Yuu smiled and leaned his head against Ryuu’s shoulder. “Life sure is wild, huh?”

“Totally.”

Yuu pulled himself away from Ryuu and slipped the suit jacket off. For a moment he hesitated by the grill, then tossed the jacket onto its hot grating. He heard Ryuu open another beer behind him and reached for his own. The fabric melted and charred and he stepped back, standing next to his best friend. Dark smoke drifted up into the air as they stood in silence, eyes glittering with the reflections of flame and stars.

He finished his beer and crumpled the can, suddenly very tired. With a sigh, he leaned against the other young man. “Thanks,” he said.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, buddy,” Ryuu said, putting and arm around his shoulder. “You know I’ve always got your back.”

Yuu shook his head, grinning. “What the fuck did I ever do to deserve a great bro like you?”

Ryuu ruffled his hair fondly. “I know you’d only do the same for me,” he said.

“Hopefully I never have to. I’m not sure how many suits I’m gonna want to see burn in my lifetime.”

Ryuu chuckled and nudged him playfully.

“Hey, Ryuu?”

“Yeah, bro?”

“Do you think Asahi will be mad that I didn’t ask him to come down?” He sounded uncertain, more so than he intended. “I mean, sometimes I think he…gets a bit jealous. Of you and me, I mean.”

“Nah, I think he’s fine,” Ryuu said, his response coming quickly. Yuu wasn’t sure if he was being confident or careless. “We actually talked a lot since you left,” he continued, causing Yuu to look at him with surprise. Ryuu grinned. “I think he gets it. Gets us, y’know? He’ll be fine.”

“I really do love him, bro,” Yuu said.

“I know.”

“I just…I don’t know if I can dig up all that stuff to explain to him, and it’s nice to have you around ‘cause you already know it all. I’m just…afraid he’ll need me to tell him everything.”

“He does seem like that kind of guy,” Ryuu admitted. “Communication and commitment and honesty and all that shit.”

“Yeah, and it’s not that I don’t want to talk to him or anything. I love talking to him. I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk about…” he waved his hand around, “all this, y’know?”

“Yeah, bro,” Ryuu said. “I know.”

“I just… I love him a lot.” Yuu smiled.

“And he loves you. And it’s really kinda gross how fucking in love you two are.” He paused, then added, “You deserve all that gross shit, though.”

“Thanks, bro.”

“Yeah, whatever. Just come home so he can stop taking his emotions out on me, yeah?”

Yuu nodded. “I’d leave right now if I didn’t have to say bye to Emi.”

“Tomorrow, then?” Ryuu asked, hopeful.

“Yeah,” Yuu said, nodding slowly as if he were about to fall asleep. “Tomorrow.”

With the last of the suit gone, Ryuu turned off the grill. “We should probably clean that up real good in the morning,” he said, closing the lid.

Yuu nodded and let his friend guide him back inside. Every inch of him ached and his head was swimming. Sleep was starting to sound very, very nice.

\--

They woke up late the next morning still smelling vaguely of booze and burning synthetics. Yuu’s mouth was dry as he rolled out of bed and tried not to step on his friend sprawled out on the floor. He grabbed a change of clothes and made his way to the bathroom to shower.

Twenty minutes later, he was clean and feeling quite refreshed. Everything from the day before had been washed away and he felt better, maybe even new. As he exited the bathroom, his sister was coming up the stairs. He stopped and waited for her to make it to the landing, a tired smile spreading across her face. He dropped his dirty clothes on the floor and wrapped her in a hug.

“Sorry I didn’t see you at all last night,” he said.

“It’s fine. I didn’t get back until late and thought you might’ve been sleeping.” Her voice was tired and small and Yuu didn’t like it. “Jamie said you’ve got a friend?”

He let his sister go and rubbed the back of his neck, laughing nervously. “Yeah, sorry. He just sorta showed up, I guess.”

Emily gave him a reassuring smile and laid a hand on his shoulder. “It’s fine, Yuu,” she said. “I’m glad you had someone.”

“How’s the nugget doing this morning?” he asked, changing the subject. She beamed and that was all the answer Yuu needed. “Good,” he said, bending over and collecting his clothes. “Ryuu’s probably gonna want a shower when he actually gets up, and we kinda made a mess of your grill, so we’ll clean that up, but then I think we’re gonna head out maybe this afternoon.”

Emily frowned. “Already?” she asked.

Yuu nodded. “Yeah. I need to get out of here. But I’ll say a real goodbye later.” He flashed her a smile. “So no tears now.” He laughed as she punched his shoulder, then retreated into the bedroom.

Inside, Ryuu was sitting up on the floor rubbing his eyes. He gave Yuu a sleepy smile. “Mornin’, buttercup,” he said.

Yuu kicked him as he passed and dropped his clothes on the floor by the closet. “Shower is all yours,” he said.

Ryuu’s shower, a grill cleaning, and some omelets later, Yuu and Ryuu were ready to go. They had slept so late that it was already after noon, and Jamie had agreed to take them to the airport to catch the flight they had just booked. Yuu was giving his sister one final hug.

“I’m gonna miss you, Yuu,” she said. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“Of course not,” he said. “I’ll come visit soon enough.” He let her go and turned to Jamie, who was holding the baby. “Can’t let this guy get too big without me,” he said, rubbing little Asahi’s head fondly.

Jamie passed the baby over to his wife, kissing his head before relinquishing him completely. 

“And thanks again for everything, Jamie,” Yuu said, smiling. Jamie returned the smile and gave a nod in response. Yuu turned back to his sister. “I would say I’m sorry I didn’t say bye to Mom, but I’m really not… But you can tell her bye for me if you want, I guess.”

Emily frowned slightly, but nodded, holding the baby close to her breast. “I will.” She hesitated as if there was something else she wanted to add, but thought better of it with Jamie and Ryuu there. She gave her brother a sad smile instead. “Travel safe.”

Jamie opened the door and Yuu exited first, followed by Ryuu, who gave Emily a wave. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “Thanks for letting me crash.”

They got into the car and headed to the airport. Yuu was already feeling in higher spirits now that he was heading home. Jamie seemed to notice the difference and chuckled. “Very different feel from when I picked you up,” he commented.

Yuu sunk down in his seat with a small grin. “Yeah. Just glad to be going home,” he said. “Not that you guys haven’t been great.”

“Don’t worry, I get it.” Jamie grinned over at him. “You’d better come back, though.”

“I will!” Yuu said. “I want to be a part of Asahi’s life.” He heard Ryuu choke down his laughter in the back seat. “When he’s bigger, you guys should come to Seattle, though,” he said. “I know traveling with a baby isn’t easy, but it would be cool.”

Jamie nodded. “Oh, that reminds me. You never showed me any of your art.”

Yuu scratched the back of his head. “Oh, sorry,” he said. “Guess I forgot with everything going on. I can email you guys some pictures if you want.”

“We’d like that.”

“Just remind me when you’re not driving.” Jamie laughed and Yuu turned around to face his friend. “You remind me to send them some pictures when we get home.”

“Sure thing, bro.”

\--

Their flight back was uneventful. They landed at SeaTac Airport around dinnertime. Yuu’s legs were stiff from the cramped coach seating and he found himself wondering how uncomfortable planes must be for someone of Asahi’s size. Thinking about Asahi as they walked through the airport made him sigh; he probably wouldn’t get a chance to see him until tomorrow. He had texted him that he was coming back, but didn’t get a response since he was probably working. He looked at his phone as it came out of airplane mode and was somewhat surprised to see no new messages.

They stopped at the baggage claim so Yuu could get the garment bag he had borrowed from Ryuu’s father. He finally saw it coming around the carousel and was about to grab for it when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Yuu straightened up and saw Ryuu in his periphery, but before he could turn around to see who had tapped him, two very familiar arms wrapped around his shoulders and the distinct airport scent was replaced with cheap detergent, old books, and aftershave. He could feel himself melting into that broad chest as his hands reached up to brush the tanned skin of Asahi’s arms.

“Welcome home,” he whispered into Yuu’s ear.

Yuu never wanted to be an emotional airport crier, so he turned himself and buried his face into Asahi’s shirt in an attempt to hide his tears. “I missed you so much,” he said, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

Asahi held him close, rocking gently, smiling. “I missed you, too.”

Yuu could have sworn he heard Ryuu gagging behind him, but he didn’t care. His friend grabbed the bag from the carousel with a huff and headed toward the door. “Come on, you two,” he said. “Don’t really wanna make my parents circle again.”

Yuu wiped his eyes and smiled up at Asahi. He was so glad to finally be himself again, and to have someone who loved him for that, and who understood him. He was glad to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for reading! This fic has been so amazing to write and I really hope it's been a good read. This topic is very near and dear to my heart, and my love and support goes out to anyone struggling with family problems. Please remember that even if they're you're parents, you deserve to be treated with respect, and you don't owe them forgiveness until you are ready to give it, and that might not ever happen. 
> 
> Please come talk to me on tumblr (tiredasahi) if you want. I love chatting about anything, but especially if you need someone to talk to about trans stuff, I'm happy to be there for you!
> 
> Thank you again everyone for reading and kudoing and commenting! I am always open to feedback, so don't hesitate to leave it! You are all so great and I love every single one of you!


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